Things continue to progress and Allie continues her journey to Full Recovery. Every day we notice new changes in her behavior, her actions and her drive. In the past she did not notice any deficits in herself and she though she had reached a state of Full Recovery but now more thanever she is the one who is pusing and driving herself. She may not realize why but she is talking more about going away to college but she understands that she has to raise her academic bar. Must be starange but just like I can not really remember life before the accident I am sure she can not either. Fortunately I believe she remembers just enough to motivate her or she is seeing her friends move on and she wants to be a part of it. Cool, what ever way it is foward progress.
Huge leap in faith and maturity last week. Allie flew to Florida all by herself to spend a week with my sister Roni. Now I know that sounds like a little thing but after shat she has been though I was definitely nervous as time can get away from her and then switching gates..... would she make it to the gate in time, what if her flight was late and she missed her connector? There were a million different scenarios playing out in my head. What if she did not have a good time there or had an emotional moment or seizure or whatever? Would she take her medicine, or drink alcohol (not good for seizures) but innately I know she would do well and she did.
She loves her job at the assisted living facility and is looking to get more hours. She is learning to understand the value of money. When to spend and when to save. She like to spend better but who doesn't? As an added therapy we have been taking her to jewlery making classes and she loves it and is really good at it. As we try to help her with career choices and we believe in doing something that makes you happy not just makes you money we sat down and opened up a round table discussion as to what Allie likes to do and her favorite thing was always arts and crafts. Ever since she was a little girl she loved beads and cutting paper and that stuff so possibly jewlery making? After her first class she came out with a bracelet she made (two and a half hours of beading, not that is what I call therapy for her hands and hand eye coordination) and it was beautiful. Could have actually put it in a store and sold it. Next a necklance and today is her third lesson and she is way excited.
We will be registering her for another semester of college this week and we are hoping for the best. She will be doign two acadenim classes and two electives. She wanted to do four, I was thinking more three. We will do four.
Right ow Allie is doing her Neurofeedback and again I will say it is this training that has made all of the difference in her and I am recommending it to all of my friends. Seek out a therapist in your area nd try it for at least twenty sessions. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
We are grateful and thankful to God and every person we have met on this journey. For whatever reason this was meant to be our journey so we gratefully accept it and the challenges that come with it and thank God for making us better people in the process.
Love and Recovery
Allie's Dad
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Last Tuesday in April, 2009
A true day of gratitude. Every now and then, Allie and I decide to go visit the nurses and doctors at Greenville Memorial Hospital. It is not only a reminder to us of how far we have come but also serves to let the docotrs and nurses see that their good work does produce great results (sometimes, not every thing or nothing is in our control) and it also helps some of the people we meet along the way in there; people who are suffering on their own and are given a glimpse of hope and possibility by her presence. Today I think I went mostly for me and may just be the last time we make this trip. We will still seek to inspire but I no longer think I need the (in some wierd way) comfort of being there. When you are somewhere for so long it becomes comfortable there and almost feel safe in some strange way. I personally feel free and safe and on the road to full recovery myself along with every member of my family. I no longer think that Allie will ever need their services again and that life is really going to be okay.
It was inspiring at the hospital today. Not only inspiring but validating and in many ways the validation came from being recognized by many of the nurses and doctors for the control we had at the hospital and for the way we handled our daughters recovery. It is not that validation is needed but it feels very good. It makes you just look at each other and allows you to nod in silence together. We make the connection that we did do our job to the best of our abilities and with God, prayer, the nurses and doctors, her brother Matt and his wise guidance, we, in some way, did make a difference in her recovery and will continue to.
The nurses in the ICU were so excited to see Allie and they clamoured around her and peppered her with questions about what she is doing and how school was going and when she dyed her hair red (yesterday) and she handled all of their questions very well. The ICU shook her up this time and hit her emotionally especially when she saw a guy with a fresh amputation of his leg, no dressing on just fresh healing. I did have to explain to her and with no disrespect to anyone that he was fortunate to be alive and that many people live active and fulfillinf lives with artificial limbs. She wasn't fully convinced but we moved on to the Rehab Center and saw her doctor there who was quite amazed by her and they chatted for 10 minutes or so. The rest was a lot of the same but the emotional ties are fading. NOw we have been here before but this time I believe we have crossed a hurdle that we never have to go back over.
You know, a lot of this was also to show them, to prove to them that she would make a full recovery let them know that if they would open their eyes and make a better attempt or take a different approach that they may have different outcomes. To almost sat FU, damn it, you were ready to give up on her but we were not! There, I said it. FU we will not give up them and we will not give up ever. Don't know where all that came from but it sure is what I was feeling. I guess the trip today stirred up a lot of the bad crap also but reingited out fire, our gratitude and our love of God. Thank you for this journey. I know it's not over but I now look forward to the rest.
As crazy as it may sound to many but today I was told that it is time that we all move on with our lives. I like the sound of that.
Before I go and I am sure I will always be back, let me tell you that I had the chance to hear Allie siong with her new instructor Kate this morning and I was floored. I have been told by two people that her pitch was perfect and that she is singing as well if not better than before the accident.
In gratitude, now and always
Allie's Dad
PS please pray for our friends Paige Cook and Rachel Juliano and please pass all of their names on to your prayer groups. Allie Cagen, Paige Cook, Rachel Juliano and all of their families. God Bless
It was inspiring at the hospital today. Not only inspiring but validating and in many ways the validation came from being recognized by many of the nurses and doctors for the control we had at the hospital and for the way we handled our daughters recovery. It is not that validation is needed but it feels very good. It makes you just look at each other and allows you to nod in silence together. We make the connection that we did do our job to the best of our abilities and with God, prayer, the nurses and doctors, her brother Matt and his wise guidance, we, in some way, did make a difference in her recovery and will continue to.
The nurses in the ICU were so excited to see Allie and they clamoured around her and peppered her with questions about what she is doing and how school was going and when she dyed her hair red (yesterday) and she handled all of their questions very well. The ICU shook her up this time and hit her emotionally especially when she saw a guy with a fresh amputation of his leg, no dressing on just fresh healing. I did have to explain to her and with no disrespect to anyone that he was fortunate to be alive and that many people live active and fulfillinf lives with artificial limbs. She wasn't fully convinced but we moved on to the Rehab Center and saw her doctor there who was quite amazed by her and they chatted for 10 minutes or so. The rest was a lot of the same but the emotional ties are fading. NOw we have been here before but this time I believe we have crossed a hurdle that we never have to go back over.
You know, a lot of this was also to show them, to prove to them that she would make a full recovery let them know that if they would open their eyes and make a better attempt or take a different approach that they may have different outcomes. To almost sat FU, damn it, you were ready to give up on her but we were not! There, I said it. FU we will not give up them and we will not give up ever. Don't know where all that came from but it sure is what I was feeling. I guess the trip today stirred up a lot of the bad crap also but reingited out fire, our gratitude and our love of God. Thank you for this journey. I know it's not over but I now look forward to the rest.
As crazy as it may sound to many but today I was told that it is time that we all move on with our lives. I like the sound of that.
Before I go and I am sure I will always be back, let me tell you that I had the chance to hear Allie siong with her new instructor Kate this morning and I was floored. I have been told by two people that her pitch was perfect and that she is singing as well if not better than before the accident.
In gratitude, now and always
Allie's Dad
PS please pray for our friends Paige Cook and Rachel Juliano and please pass all of their names on to your prayer groups. Allie Cagen, Paige Cook, Rachel Juliano and all of their families. God Bless
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunday, April 19th, 2008
Hey everyone. Just a quick note to say hello and let you know that everything is going OK here. Don't get me wrong, TBI's suck but everyday we make more and more progress. At sometimes it seems like we are going backwards and we probably are but that is the nature of healing.
Last week was spring break and Nancy, Allie and I went to the beach where we met Nancy's brother Mike. We love Mike. We saw that the weather was going to be iffey on Monday and Tuesday so we got spontaneous and drove three and a half hours to the Magic Kingdom and spent the day with Mickey Mouse and to top it all off we called my sister Roni who lives three and a half hours on the other side of Disney and she drove up and met us. It truly was Magical. Every day we learn more and more about Allie and her injury. Some days we cry, somedays we laugh but everyday we are grateful to have the opportunity. This is certainly the hardest thing any of us have every had to endure and it goes on and on. Someday we will reach our goal of Full Recovery.
After we left Orlando we drove north to St. Augestine, FL. What a cool town and then home again for beach time.
Allie is teaching me to be a better person but sometimes we fight and argue and say things that we shouldn't but we all get frustrated and it has to be very hard for a 19 year old to be around her mommy and daddy so much and to have her life controlled as much as it is.
Still very happy with the Neurofeedback and the progress we are seeing with it.
Love to All
Steve
Last week was spring break and Nancy, Allie and I went to the beach where we met Nancy's brother Mike. We love Mike. We saw that the weather was going to be iffey on Monday and Tuesday so we got spontaneous and drove three and a half hours to the Magic Kingdom and spent the day with Mickey Mouse and to top it all off we called my sister Roni who lives three and a half hours on the other side of Disney and she drove up and met us. It truly was Magical. Every day we learn more and more about Allie and her injury. Some days we cry, somedays we laugh but everyday we are grateful to have the opportunity. This is certainly the hardest thing any of us have every had to endure and it goes on and on. Someday we will reach our goal of Full Recovery.
After we left Orlando we drove north to St. Augestine, FL. What a cool town and then home again for beach time.
Allie is teaching me to be a better person but sometimes we fight and argue and say things that we shouldn't but we all get frustrated and it has to be very hard for a 19 year old to be around her mommy and daddy so much and to have her life controlled as much as it is.
Still very happy with the Neurofeedback and the progress we are seeing with it.
Love to All
Steve
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tuesday Morning, April 7th
Hi Everyone
The neruofeedback seems to be working very well with Allie and the best part is that she does not struggle with it or give me a hard time when I want to train with her; infact, it is just the opposite these days and I believe that is one of the benefits we are seeing in this short time. In fact; she is not struggling with anything at this time. Don't get me wrong, there are still things to work on and will be for a while but her attitude is excellent and she is maturing as a person.
Other thing we have noticed is that her movements are more fluid and are becoming quicker, less thinking about what to do and more just doing it. Like not having to think to pick up a cup - use to be "pick up cup - extend arm, open fingers, close fingers, lift" - now pick up cup in one fluid motion. She is sleeping better, dressing better and doing her homework better. WOW! All in only 10 training sessions. Very worth looking into for all sorts of issues www.eeginfo.com
Right now she is in the den with a new voice coach. I can not believe how well she is singing. This time the tears are internal and the smile and hope are what I am wearing on the outside. I think she is singing in Italian and english. She is still having pitch problems but they are soing away. Hell, even if they never went away, just to hear the voice.............. but since there is never a doubt, she will sing as well if not better than she ever has.
Allie is doing well at her job and seems to enjoy it. She is working 6-9 hours a week in an assisted living facility. She is helping with the activities, calling bingo, helping people do puzzles, serving food and basically just being a friend.
There is just so much to say but it gets really into deep philosophy and universal principles that I will leave it for a discussion group.
As Allie would say, Peace Out!
Love you all.
Allie's Dad
The neruofeedback seems to be working very well with Allie and the best part is that she does not struggle with it or give me a hard time when I want to train with her; infact, it is just the opposite these days and I believe that is one of the benefits we are seeing in this short time. In fact; she is not struggling with anything at this time. Don't get me wrong, there are still things to work on and will be for a while but her attitude is excellent and she is maturing as a person.
Other thing we have noticed is that her movements are more fluid and are becoming quicker, less thinking about what to do and more just doing it. Like not having to think to pick up a cup - use to be "pick up cup - extend arm, open fingers, close fingers, lift" - now pick up cup in one fluid motion. She is sleeping better, dressing better and doing her homework better. WOW! All in only 10 training sessions. Very worth looking into for all sorts of issues www.eeginfo.com
Right now she is in the den with a new voice coach. I can not believe how well she is singing. This time the tears are internal and the smile and hope are what I am wearing on the outside. I think she is singing in Italian and english. She is still having pitch problems but they are soing away. Hell, even if they never went away, just to hear the voice.............. but since there is never a doubt, she will sing as well if not better than she ever has.
Allie is doing well at her job and seems to enjoy it. She is working 6-9 hours a week in an assisted living facility. She is helping with the activities, calling bingo, helping people do puzzles, serving food and basically just being a friend.
There is just so much to say but it gets really into deep philosophy and universal principles that I will leave it for a discussion group.
As Allie would say, Peace Out!
Love you all.
Allie's Dad
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Thursday Afternoon, March 26, 2009
Hi Everyone:
It's time for an Allie update. Well, we have gotten past the latest accident and have moved on to greener pastures. Allie is amazing and getting better everyday. Brain injuries are wierd but she is still growing everyday. Before where she was resisting growth and change she is now embracing it. I guess it time but I have been there before. In my mind I see her coming into the house one day and just telling us it is time to go and feeling comfortable because she has grown and recovered to her fullest potential. Proud and sad at the same time because for all of the crap and disappointment and frustration and not knowing that comes with a TBI, there is still that bond that you create, I will probably fall apart more on that day then even before but I see it in my head just as I see dancing at her wedding and attending her college graduation.
So how is this for no coincidences. After Allie's last accident, I was at my office on a Tuesday, (I am never in on Tuesdays). I was pretty much out of my mind and looking for help. I needed to find more therapy for Allie but when you are a high functioning TBI, you are forgotten, there is no help for you. The hospital case workers never follow up and if you are not educated and motivated - you are lost - God help all of those; we call then the walking wounded. On the outside they look OK but on the inside, things are not so good.
Well as life would have it the phone rand and it was an MD friend of mine (yes I have one) who called to discuss a mutual patient. He is also very familiar with Allie and her case. I told him that I needed to do something, wether it was send Allie to a school or hospital or something ( you don't know what or where because the doctors or neurologists don't tell you anything. This is not complaining but the truth for so many). He suggested I look into the Pisgah Institute and since I had never heard of it I looked it up on the internet and saw they were doing something called neurofeedback and were getting great results. Well I called them and spoke to some of the doctors and then started researching neurofeedbcak on line and saw there was a training seminar starting the next day in Atlanta with some of the pioneersin the field (Sigfried and Sue Othmer). Then I spoke with a psycologist in Asheville who had worked successfully with brain injuries and autism, so I was off to Atlanta. The training was great and I noticed immediate results on myself so we purchased the equipment and are now training at home. Allie has had five sessions to date and seems to have lost that far away look in her eyes and just seems more grown up and appropriate. I can't wait to see how it goes after 20 visits and 100 visits. I'll keep you filled in.
Also, Allie stated working at an assisted living facility this week. She is helping serve meals and is working with the activities counselor. I just love it that she is there. The people know her story and have embraced her. She is finishing up her second semester at college (she took two classes this time around) and we are thrilled. It's hard but getting better every day.
We want to give hope to everyone out there. If not today, tomorrow or the next day or the next day. We know what many of you are going through butonly to the extent that we have experienced it. This Saturday we will be doing a walk with the local brain injury association and Allie wants to walk for the Relay for Life. I have been taking her to lunch at an organic restaurant most days and she is starting to like it - hopefully it will be a new way of eating for all of us.
I just want everyone to know that you prayers are what have carried us. We think of you all each and every day. We ask that you continue to pray for Allie and for our good friends Paige Cook and Rachael Juliano.
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
With Love,
Allie's Dad
It's time for an Allie update. Well, we have gotten past the latest accident and have moved on to greener pastures. Allie is amazing and getting better everyday. Brain injuries are wierd but she is still growing everyday. Before where she was resisting growth and change she is now embracing it. I guess it time but I have been there before. In my mind I see her coming into the house one day and just telling us it is time to go and feeling comfortable because she has grown and recovered to her fullest potential. Proud and sad at the same time because for all of the crap and disappointment and frustration and not knowing that comes with a TBI, there is still that bond that you create, I will probably fall apart more on that day then even before but I see it in my head just as I see dancing at her wedding and attending her college graduation.
So how is this for no coincidences. After Allie's last accident, I was at my office on a Tuesday, (I am never in on Tuesdays). I was pretty much out of my mind and looking for help. I needed to find more therapy for Allie but when you are a high functioning TBI, you are forgotten, there is no help for you. The hospital case workers never follow up and if you are not educated and motivated - you are lost - God help all of those; we call then the walking wounded. On the outside they look OK but on the inside, things are not so good.
Well as life would have it the phone rand and it was an MD friend of mine (yes I have one) who called to discuss a mutual patient. He is also very familiar with Allie and her case. I told him that I needed to do something, wether it was send Allie to a school or hospital or something ( you don't know what or where because the doctors or neurologists don't tell you anything. This is not complaining but the truth for so many). He suggested I look into the Pisgah Institute and since I had never heard of it I looked it up on the internet and saw they were doing something called neurofeedback and were getting great results. Well I called them and spoke to some of the doctors and then started researching neurofeedbcak on line and saw there was a training seminar starting the next day in Atlanta with some of the pioneersin the field (Sigfried and Sue Othmer). Then I spoke with a psycologist in Asheville who had worked successfully with brain injuries and autism, so I was off to Atlanta. The training was great and I noticed immediate results on myself so we purchased the equipment and are now training at home. Allie has had five sessions to date and seems to have lost that far away look in her eyes and just seems more grown up and appropriate. I can't wait to see how it goes after 20 visits and 100 visits. I'll keep you filled in.
Also, Allie stated working at an assisted living facility this week. She is helping serve meals and is working with the activities counselor. I just love it that she is there. The people know her story and have embraced her. She is finishing up her second semester at college (she took two classes this time around) and we are thrilled. It's hard but getting better every day.
We want to give hope to everyone out there. If not today, tomorrow or the next day or the next day. We know what many of you are going through butonly to the extent that we have experienced it. This Saturday we will be doing a walk with the local brain injury association and Allie wants to walk for the Relay for Life. I have been taking her to lunch at an organic restaurant most days and she is starting to like it - hopefully it will be a new way of eating for all of us.
I just want everyone to know that you prayers are what have carried us. We think of you all each and every day. We ask that you continue to pray for Allie and for our good friends Paige Cook and Rachael Juliano.
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
With Love,
Allie's Dad
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Tuesday Morning, March 3, 2009
Just when you think you have have it made, a brain injury tells you different. Wow! I sure wish there was a TBI manual to help you see where you are on the road to full recovery.
Allie totalled out her car on Saturday - she is OK. She was driving on the same road as her first accident only about twelve mile in the other direction when she hydroplaned around a curve, spun out and hit a vehicle parked on the other side of the road. She was shook up - I was pissed. At first your emotions are how the hell could you be so careless, then you realize how this cahnges things again, then you are angry for a few days and then you look in her eyes and try to understand her emotionless responses and you see the injury still buried deep inside of her and you think about how bad you suck to have gotten angry.
Although she is up and functioning, the injury is so real and so fresh and you understand so little and then you wonder, what else can I do or what should I have been doing all along? Allie is among the walking wounded. She is a high functioning brain injury and that places her as one of the lost children. To high functioning for a rehab facility or school but not functioning well enough to have her own place or a job or the ability to take care of herself.
The worst part is the continual breaking of our hearts. We need help for her but it is not available - yet. We will find it and she will continue to grow and we will continue to love her and get stronger.
An exasperated - damn.
Allie's Dad - Full Recovery - Never a Doubt; This too shall pass; God's delay is not God's denial
Allie totalled out her car on Saturday - she is OK. She was driving on the same road as her first accident only about twelve mile in the other direction when she hydroplaned around a curve, spun out and hit a vehicle parked on the other side of the road. She was shook up - I was pissed. At first your emotions are how the hell could you be so careless, then you realize how this cahnges things again, then you are angry for a few days and then you look in her eyes and try to understand her emotionless responses and you see the injury still buried deep inside of her and you think about how bad you suck to have gotten angry.
Although she is up and functioning, the injury is so real and so fresh and you understand so little and then you wonder, what else can I do or what should I have been doing all along? Allie is among the walking wounded. She is a high functioning brain injury and that places her as one of the lost children. To high functioning for a rehab facility or school but not functioning well enough to have her own place or a job or the ability to take care of herself.
The worst part is the continual breaking of our hearts. We need help for her but it is not available - yet. We will find it and she will continue to grow and we will continue to love her and get stronger.
An exasperated - damn.
Allie's Dad - Full Recovery - Never a Doubt; This too shall pass; God's delay is not God's denial
Friday, November 14, 2008
November 14th, 2008
Well today really will be my last blog. It is a year and a half today and the lord had been good to us. It has been a road. Good? Bad? depends on who you are and if you have every experienced anything like this. Your experiences and the way you interpret them will determine how you view them. My experience has been that this was a blessing - maybe in disguise but a blessing none the less.
Really I am to tired at this time to go any further. It's been a long road and I could go further, however to do so would be to prolong viewing this situation as anything other than normal and Nancy, Matt, Allie and I all agree that from this moment on the world is normal. We have always avoided "labeling" where we were during this time. Cosmically the Universe always gives you what you seek and will always create the place the talk about so by thinking and acting like we would achieve full recovery was not only a coping mechanisim but is also something I believe in - Universal Laws - God's Order, however it makes sense to you.
When faced with a devestating situation you have to develop survival skills; not onlt for your loved ones but for your family, friends, business and others you meet and grieve with along the way. Most people are kind and loving - they understand the situation and react appropriately some are still kind and loving but do not know how to act so they do the best they can and avoid and some are just plain buttholes. Along the way no one created more misery for me and my family than my sister Lauren. People reap what they sew. You know I am really sorry to put this in. I have alway tried to be two things: positive and honest so I had to let people know that even during your darkest hour; when you didn't know it could get any worse, evil shows up. We defeated it - enough said. With God's help, we will always turn back evil.
Right now I am by myself at the beach taking a few days away. This is the first time perhaps in twenty something years I have been alone but it was a necessary trip and I was encouraged to go and get some rest and take some time to reflect. The past 18 months have caught up with me and I realize it is now time to let go and stop being the big strong guy, that would be unfair as there have been so many strong people along the way, my beautiful wife and sole mate has been and continues to be my rock and inspiration, Matt you have always been there providing wisdom far beyond your years. I can not say I wish this did not happen because this is our families experience and it could have been no other way. I am only glad that we are so strong and so solid. Of course Allie has been the strongest of all of us as she continues to push herself in a positive direction, accepting what God has geven her and embracing the opportunity to continue her experience on this earth. It's quite amazing, but she is at peace and happier than she was before the accident. She does not moan or complain about the accident but accepts it as her experience and is moving on
Our little girl and she is all of ours continues to take leaps and bounds in her recovery. Some days hard, some not so hard and I think that the hardest thing for me is to stop being so protective - my biggest fears are that someone will hurt her or will damage the good we have all done however, I must back off now - to do otherwise would be to deny her her destiny. an not continue to thik I know what is best for her. How can live the life of an 18 year old girld through the eyes of a 50 year old man. Heck, at 18 I did not know what I wanted to do with my life and at 50 I still not sure I know but one thing is for sure and that is that I can only live a life of service.
Little Allie is going to school and taking two classes this semester and is registered for three new semester. She may still want to pursue her dream of Broadway but is also following a degree in Elementary Education. She loves kids and they love her. She will be able to make a life for herself and will someday have a loving husband and family of her own.
So what have I learned from this experience?
People have thier own experiences in life and whatever they may be, they are thier own - we can only be there to love and support them.
We must love unconditionally
When you don't think you can handle anymore - you can
When you don't think you are strong enough - you are
When you think God has abandoned you - he hasn't
There are plenty of good doctors and nurses - there are plenty of bad doctors and nurses
You are your loved ones best chances of surviving the hospital - don't ever leave them alone
Prayers work
Stay positive - even if you are sometimes maybe not so positive
Donate to the Ronald McDonald House
Help others - even in your time of need - that is the best time to give
Accept the love, prayers and charity of others with dignity and love
Ask for what you need - there is no pride or dignity in the hospitay, only the raw emotions and goodness of others
Make your wishes know to the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital and stick to your guns. You are in charge - not them.
Use the internet at the hospital to research what they tell you. Don't believe it when they say it is procedure. Also look up the drugs they are giving - what they are for and what the side - effects may be.
Never check your spelling when you blog - I don't.
So where do we go from here? Where ever our experience takes us! We are just going to ride the wave we call life.
God Bless All of You
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
Allie's Dad
Just to Clarify - At the moment Full Recovery is a Universal Reality. Soon it will be a physical reality. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually I have not been able to give it the energy it needs. My hands were full and it has been a draining journey. During my time at the beach I have reconnected with God and recomitted to service to God, my family and my community.
Hopefully Full Recovery has helped. I can only say from all of the e-mails I get that is has and it will continue on a larger scale now that we are focusing on healing ourselves so we can help heal others. So stay tuned.
Again, from the bottom of my heart - thank you.
Really I am to tired at this time to go any further. It's been a long road and I could go further, however to do so would be to prolong viewing this situation as anything other than normal and Nancy, Matt, Allie and I all agree that from this moment on the world is normal. We have always avoided "labeling" where we were during this time. Cosmically the Universe always gives you what you seek and will always create the place the talk about so by thinking and acting like we would achieve full recovery was not only a coping mechanisim but is also something I believe in - Universal Laws - God's Order, however it makes sense to you.
When faced with a devestating situation you have to develop survival skills; not onlt for your loved ones but for your family, friends, business and others you meet and grieve with along the way. Most people are kind and loving - they understand the situation and react appropriately some are still kind and loving but do not know how to act so they do the best they can and avoid and some are just plain buttholes. Along the way no one created more misery for me and my family than my sister Lauren. People reap what they sew. You know I am really sorry to put this in. I have alway tried to be two things: positive and honest so I had to let people know that even during your darkest hour; when you didn't know it could get any worse, evil shows up. We defeated it - enough said. With God's help, we will always turn back evil.
Right now I am by myself at the beach taking a few days away. This is the first time perhaps in twenty something years I have been alone but it was a necessary trip and I was encouraged to go and get some rest and take some time to reflect. The past 18 months have caught up with me and I realize it is now time to let go and stop being the big strong guy, that would be unfair as there have been so many strong people along the way, my beautiful wife and sole mate has been and continues to be my rock and inspiration, Matt you have always been there providing wisdom far beyond your years. I can not say I wish this did not happen because this is our families experience and it could have been no other way. I am only glad that we are so strong and so solid. Of course Allie has been the strongest of all of us as she continues to push herself in a positive direction, accepting what God has geven her and embracing the opportunity to continue her experience on this earth. It's quite amazing, but she is at peace and happier than she was before the accident. She does not moan or complain about the accident but accepts it as her experience and is moving on
Our little girl and she is all of ours continues to take leaps and bounds in her recovery. Some days hard, some not so hard and I think that the hardest thing for me is to stop being so protective - my biggest fears are that someone will hurt her or will damage the good we have all done however, I must back off now - to do otherwise would be to deny her her destiny. an not continue to thik I know what is best for her. How can live the life of an 18 year old girld through the eyes of a 50 year old man. Heck, at 18 I did not know what I wanted to do with my life and at 50 I still not sure I know but one thing is for sure and that is that I can only live a life of service.
Little Allie is going to school and taking two classes this semester and is registered for three new semester. She may still want to pursue her dream of Broadway but is also following a degree in Elementary Education. She loves kids and they love her. She will be able to make a life for herself and will someday have a loving husband and family of her own.
So what have I learned from this experience?
People have thier own experiences in life and whatever they may be, they are thier own - we can only be there to love and support them.
We must love unconditionally
When you don't think you can handle anymore - you can
When you don't think you are strong enough - you are
When you think God has abandoned you - he hasn't
There are plenty of good doctors and nurses - there are plenty of bad doctors and nurses
You are your loved ones best chances of surviving the hospital - don't ever leave them alone
Prayers work
Stay positive - even if you are sometimes maybe not so positive
Donate to the Ronald McDonald House
Help others - even in your time of need - that is the best time to give
Accept the love, prayers and charity of others with dignity and love
Ask for what you need - there is no pride or dignity in the hospitay, only the raw emotions and goodness of others
Make your wishes know to the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital and stick to your guns. You are in charge - not them.
Use the internet at the hospital to research what they tell you. Don't believe it when they say it is procedure. Also look up the drugs they are giving - what they are for and what the side - effects may be.
Never check your spelling when you blog - I don't.
So where do we go from here? Where ever our experience takes us! We are just going to ride the wave we call life.
God Bless All of You
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
Allie's Dad
Just to Clarify - At the moment Full Recovery is a Universal Reality. Soon it will be a physical reality. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually I have not been able to give it the energy it needs. My hands were full and it has been a draining journey. During my time at the beach I have reconnected with God and recomitted to service to God, my family and my community.
Hopefully Full Recovery has helped. I can only say from all of the e-mails I get that is has and it will continue on a larger scale now that we are focusing on healing ourselves so we can help heal others. So stay tuned.
Again, from the bottom of my heart - thank you.
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