Saturday Morning, August 23rd

Again I say, what a difference a day makes, especially with a child who has had a trauma. I do not use words like brain damage because the dictionary defines damage as "injury or harm that reduces value or usefulness" or brain injury because because I do not like what they infer. I am not going to place any limitations on the amount of healing that can occur not am I going to put into my child's mind or my own mind that her most vital organ is damaged or is reduced in usefulness. Instead, I might say she has suffered a temporary traumatic event. Don;t know where that came from but I do not like labels unless they are positve, useful ones.

Back to what a difference a day makes. Last Friday Allie was in the ER with hallicunations and and all kinds of wierd stuff. Then yesterday she attended a local community college. 2 classes, public speaking and theatre appreciation. I waited outside in the parking lot for her and met her between classes. She seemed OK after the first one, so she went to the second. It is so bizzare as Tuesday was the deadline to register and we just acted as if and went through with it. What was the worst that would happen. I mean she was still in the hospital on Tuesday, recoveing from who knows what and no one still knows but how was she ever think she was going to be able to attend class in three days? Was it panic? Was it anxiety? Was it ?????????? Who the heck knows. We just keep searching and hoping and praying and leading by example.

I spoke to my friend Joe Cook yesterday. Many of you have been praying for his daughter Paige and I am going to ask that you continue to do so and if you have a little extra in you, maybe you can pray just a little harder and lets not forget our little friend Rachel. Cars ugh. Three weeks ago I layed my motorcycle down on some wet pavement and went for a long slide. I am OK but please, if you ride and do not wear a helmet, put one on or go visit the neuro ICU. Nuff preaching but my helmet is always on. I can take some scrapes or maybe a broken boke but not a head injury.

To all of my friends who still check in every now and again. Thank you. We love and appreciate you. This is a journey of a thousand steps.

Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
Allie's Dad

Oh by the way, Allie got a tattoo on her left side chest area last thursday. Whatever? It is a little red heart with a treble cleft and a musical note in it. Yes I took her. It is better I am there then to just have her come home with it. She loves it. I think it is a freedom thing or right of passage. You go girl. Be back again soon to let you know how school is going.

Wednesday Evening, August 20th?

As we got home from the hospital last night Allie put on a Tim McGraw song and came to dance with me. I think I fully understand that God wants me to live she said to me and once again I had found my joy but, just two weeks earlier that wasn't the case. I don;t know what happened as thinks were going so well but something did and once again there was fighting, and a lot of discord, to the point that Allie decided that she was moving out - no money, no phone, no car taking only what was hers and leaving a wake of distruction in her path. No reasons, but her own, I guess I know them but will leave them to her. There went all of my dreams and work and effort leaving only with a small bad making the two mile walk in the dark to the main gate of our community. I died that night and the only way I could express my hurt was with harsh words. We cried all night. She was back the next day but I could not forgive and forget, it would take time.

Flash forward to last Friday. As Nancy and I were approaching Beaufort, SC on our 21st wedding anniversary weekend a 4 1/2 hour drive from home we got the call from Allie. She was hurting and didn;t sound good. We got our neightbor over and called our good friend Sabrina to go over. A few minutes later the calls were flying in. We thought at first it was a panic attack or an anxiety induced situation until we hears the screaming and incoherant babble. She could not see and could not move, she was using profanity and it was getting worse quick. Once I heard that she had one pupil large and one small I hung up and called the ambulance. This indicates possible brain swelling. We immediately turned around for a five hour drive home. We didn't know what to expect as we drove, mostly in silence. Would she be OK, would we be OK, we had spoken during the year and wondered if we would have the stregnth to do it again, well we were about to find out.

The ambulance ride was a nightmare but we heard she was calm the whole time but could not turn her head, it was antalgic to the right and she could not see. Was she blind? Oh shit, what now? We had thought we were out of the woods but now wonder if we will ever be. Once at the hospital is when they say she had a seizure in the ambulance. Uhhhh

As we drove we heard that they suspected viral menengitis but that didn't sound right. The did a CAT scan and a lumbar puncture after we got there. The poor baby was so sedated and confused. She didn;t know for days how she got to the hospital or even what happened. They let her come home that night saying there was no organic problems. No virus and no acute brain trauma. Sounded very promising but we were not letting our guard down. Not much sleep that night. Allie was not seeing well and could not find the bathroom in her own room. What the heck - is she blind, was her brain damaged, we were crushed but you don't react, you just help and stay calm on the outside but holy crap, we had no idea.

The next morning I called the neurologist because she was hallucinationg like crazy and was scaring the hell out of us - and by the afternoon she was in room A622 at Mission Hospital in Asheville and I was sleeping on the floor of the hospital once again, confused and unknowing. The hallucinations went on all day and all night and it was quite frightening. The neurologist came by and put her on some medications and then her neurologist came by in the morning. They didn;t seem to concerned but I was. She had not slept or eaten for days and I know that was a huge part of it but for some reason she could not or would not sleep. With a brain injury, sleep is the most important thing you can get in a day. They did an EEG and they could not confirm that she had a seizure so what was it. Basically the little girl had a brain injury which is an unpredictable thing.

Each day she started to get better but was still wobbly and on Tuesday, I told them it was time to go home - no answers and nothing they could do there that we couldn't do at home. Once at home she slept for nine hours last night and hopefully she will get good sleep tonighht and will once and for all understand the importance of being on a schedule. I think it has sunk in.

I really think it is God talking to her and I think she may believe it also. She was going the wrong direction in the beginning and he stopped her and then she started going the wrong way again and he stopped her again. Perhaps it's time to go a different way?

Allie just came into my office and gave me a poem she had written - here it is!

The clutter crowding everything
my room, my sould, my heart, my brain
I don;t want to have regrets
So I carefully look at all my pieces
Keeping all that teaches
Losing all that harms
In time I won't only rely on charm
Life is so important
I can;t waste it
I have to do everything and anything
seeking all that life can bring
Time is fading
There is no time for hating
Always forgive
and remember to Live and let Live
Holding hatred in your heart
can only bring you back to start
You know that's not where you belong
Just ignore it you can go on
You can do it! Just prove yourself
to those who are jealous to those who doubt

I think she is headed for Full Recovery - How about you?

Love and Recovery
Allie's Dad