Wednesday Morning, July 29th 2010

Good morning everybody

My posts seem to be getting further and further apart and to me that is great news. That does not mean that there is nothing to report it only means that life is getting more normal around here. Allie continues to grow and seems headed for full recovery just like we had always imagined.

Currently she is working in an assisted living facility waiting tables for the dinnertime crowd is still attending classes at Blue Ridge community college with her mind set on elementary education specializing in the area of special ed. She is such a good soul and really seems to be very happy and content with her life. It's amazing when I think back to what was in it all the progress we've seen to the different phases of her recovery.. I remember how she used to just lay on the couch all day long and watch the same shows over and over and now I'm not even sure she watches television anymore because she always seems to be busy doing something. Now I'm not saying that there isn't more growth necessary but wow. I am so proud of her because she tries so hard as met so much rejection it has overcome the hurt and the loss of pride with renewed spirit and a new zest for life. She understands where she was and she understands where she is in truth be told I believe her when she says that she is actually happier where she is and where she was.

Every time I see her she has a smile on her face and although I'd still have feelings of sadness for what may have been those feelings are quickly overcome by my faith and by her incredible strength and by that bounced in her walk as I see her heading towards me. We had the most incredible brunch the other day while Nancy was out of town and when I look into her eyes I see hope and I know that the day will come when she will be fully self-sufficient. She still struggles in school and has her ups and downs. Organization is still quite a problem but probably it is for many 20-year-olds. It is only magnified and brought to light because she still lives in a fishbowl under the watchful eyes of mom and dad. She starts strong then goes through almost a given uprise us than mom and dad stepped in to remind her of her goals and she finishes strong.

Last night was so beautiful and brought me so much gratitude as sometimes mine gets lost and I forget the miracle which she truly is. Sometimes I want so much for her to succeed that I do not give her the option to fail and sometimes it may be too much for her and that is one I have to seek new ways and new options. I have to learn to speak in a language that she understands and realizing that she may not understand the language which I am speaking to her. I realize that in the end I will either go to heaven or hell for my actions and I am okay with that because I believe in that if I give her the option to fail she will take that option. I refuse to let her play the role of victim although many do. I refuse to put her on social services because if she collects a paycheck for doing nothing, that is what you will learn and that is what she will do. Instead, she is required to go school and she is required to work so that she can create a normal life for herself and understand what it takes to be self-sufficient in the case of her mom and I should suddenly no longer be here.

Last night she came to visit and as I was so tired I went to bed at about nine o'clock. Shortly after she came into the bedroom and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and say goodnight that I love you-I'm going home now and I say goodnight Allie I love you drive safe to what she said I always do. After she left I gave thanks to God and let him know how grateful I was giving me back my little girl and for giving me the strength, the courage and inspiration to continue my drive towards full recovery.

Love to all,
Allie's dad