Wednesday Evening, August 20th?

As we got home from the hospital last night Allie put on a Tim McGraw song and came to dance with me. I think I fully understand that God wants me to live she said to me and once again I had found my joy but, just two weeks earlier that wasn't the case. I don;t know what happened as thinks were going so well but something did and once again there was fighting, and a lot of discord, to the point that Allie decided that she was moving out - no money, no phone, no car taking only what was hers and leaving a wake of distruction in her path. No reasons, but her own, I guess I know them but will leave them to her. There went all of my dreams and work and effort leaving only with a small bad making the two mile walk in the dark to the main gate of our community. I died that night and the only way I could express my hurt was with harsh words. We cried all night. She was back the next day but I could not forgive and forget, it would take time.

Flash forward to last Friday. As Nancy and I were approaching Beaufort, SC on our 21st wedding anniversary weekend a 4 1/2 hour drive from home we got the call from Allie. She was hurting and didn;t sound good. We got our neightbor over and called our good friend Sabrina to go over. A few minutes later the calls were flying in. We thought at first it was a panic attack or an anxiety induced situation until we hears the screaming and incoherant babble. She could not see and could not move, she was using profanity and it was getting worse quick. Once I heard that she had one pupil large and one small I hung up and called the ambulance. This indicates possible brain swelling. We immediately turned around for a five hour drive home. We didn't know what to expect as we drove, mostly in silence. Would she be OK, would we be OK, we had spoken during the year and wondered if we would have the stregnth to do it again, well we were about to find out.

The ambulance ride was a nightmare but we heard she was calm the whole time but could not turn her head, it was antalgic to the right and she could not see. Was she blind? Oh shit, what now? We had thought we were out of the woods but now wonder if we will ever be. Once at the hospital is when they say she had a seizure in the ambulance. Uhhhh

As we drove we heard that they suspected viral menengitis but that didn't sound right. The did a CAT scan and a lumbar puncture after we got there. The poor baby was so sedated and confused. She didn;t know for days how she got to the hospital or even what happened. They let her come home that night saying there was no organic problems. No virus and no acute brain trauma. Sounded very promising but we were not letting our guard down. Not much sleep that night. Allie was not seeing well and could not find the bathroom in her own room. What the heck - is she blind, was her brain damaged, we were crushed but you don't react, you just help and stay calm on the outside but holy crap, we had no idea.

The next morning I called the neurologist because she was hallucinationg like crazy and was scaring the hell out of us - and by the afternoon she was in room A622 at Mission Hospital in Asheville and I was sleeping on the floor of the hospital once again, confused and unknowing. The hallucinations went on all day and all night and it was quite frightening. The neurologist came by and put her on some medications and then her neurologist came by in the morning. They didn;t seem to concerned but I was. She had not slept or eaten for days and I know that was a huge part of it but for some reason she could not or would not sleep. With a brain injury, sleep is the most important thing you can get in a day. They did an EEG and they could not confirm that she had a seizure so what was it. Basically the little girl had a brain injury which is an unpredictable thing.

Each day she started to get better but was still wobbly and on Tuesday, I told them it was time to go home - no answers and nothing they could do there that we couldn't do at home. Once at home she slept for nine hours last night and hopefully she will get good sleep tonighht and will once and for all understand the importance of being on a schedule. I think it has sunk in.

I really think it is God talking to her and I think she may believe it also. She was going the wrong direction in the beginning and he stopped her and then she started going the wrong way again and he stopped her again. Perhaps it's time to go a different way?

Allie just came into my office and gave me a poem she had written - here it is!

The clutter crowding everything
my room, my sould, my heart, my brain
I don;t want to have regrets
So I carefully look at all my pieces
Keeping all that teaches
Losing all that harms
In time I won't only rely on charm
Life is so important
I can;t waste it
I have to do everything and anything
seeking all that life can bring
Time is fading
There is no time for hating
Always forgive
and remember to Live and let Live
Holding hatred in your heart
can only bring you back to start
You know that's not where you belong
Just ignore it you can go on
You can do it! Just prove yourself
to those who are jealous to those who doubt

I think she is headed for Full Recovery - How about you?

Love and Recovery
Allie's Dad