As I was leaving Allie tonight it brought so much sadness to me. I was sitting in her room doing the blog and I thought she was in the bathroom, however, when I finished I went to look for her and she was gone. She NEVER leaves her room alone so when I found her watching TV with another person in the rec room it caught me by suprise. The hard part is just the sadness of seeing her in her pajamas sitting in a hospital rec room and sadly, almost seeming like she belonged there. It made me think that that could possibly be how she spends the rest of her life - in her pajamas, in the rec room with Nancy and I coming to visit. She just does not know when we are there or if we were there today and sshe eems to be OK when and if we are not. As I was leaving I said Goodnight Allie, I'll see you tomorrow and she just said OK (kind of dead panned)and turned back to the TV - that killed me.
Enough Sadness.
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt (but sometimes a thought)
Allie's Dad
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5 comments:
Dear Steve
Keep the faith. Every day is new. Sounds completely normal that you'd have some times of doubt and despair. Look at all the progress she's made and it hasn't been that long. It must feel very long to you, being there every minute. And of course insensitive behavior can dampen anyone's PMA. Easier said than done but don't take it personally. We believe that on a deeper level her soul is so grateful for your and Nancy's love. You are doing everything right.
with love
Kent and Ondine
Steve and Nancy, what a hard time this is with Allie stretching her wings and testing herself. Always remember, as I know you do, that Allie feels the safest with you both and that she is expressing her frustration with the two people who she KNOWS she can be her true self with. This is such a limbo time and you all tired. Tommorrow you will begin again and again and continue the miracle of love and recovery - FULL RECOVERY -NEVER A DOUBT!! We love you all and send our love and prayers to you. I remember striking out at my mom, in particular, when I was very ill and later realizing it was because I knew she would love me no matter what and forgive me no matter what. That's what's love is all about and you and Nancy express it every minute. We love you.
Tibby
Stay Strong! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13. That is how I got through the Army's Basic Training, how I dealt with being told my unborn son had a thickened wall in his heart and it is what has helped me to praise my Lord when I graduated Basic training and found out that the thickening would recede and my baby boy would live a completely normal life. All things, all things, not the easy things, but everything. The key is getting the strength from Christ, not yourself. Allie will recover, in God's time, within His will. PRAISE THE LORD!!!
No, NEVER A DOUBT! Allie is getting there. Just remember how bad it was. I know you do! Its human nature to expect everything NOW, and Allison's recovery is not like that. But she IS healing. She laughs, and smiles and sings, and eats and I am sure she loves you.
Love to you and Nancy. Prayers for you both that you may not feel so tired and have abundant patience and energy. More prayers too for Allison for FULL RECOVERY! Never a doubt! Remember that bit about praying for something as if you have already received it? Course you do!! My heart is with you all. xx
Steve and Nancy, Just ignore IF YOU CAN what is going on now. See Allie as she was before the accident. She is coming back! It will take time.
I am not walking in your shoes so it is easy to just write these words.
However when we look back then you know how far she has come.
She did feel like she wanted some new company and went to the rec room , she "knew" where the rec room was and she "walked" there on her own power, how big is that?
You all stood by her every minute for the last weeks, you have done more than your share. She will know that when she is out of the confusion.
You are both giants in my eyes but even giants can and are allowed to be down now and then.
Hugs.
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