Once again my mind is boggled. Allie was asleep in her bed at home recovering from her second episode of the week. What the heck is going on?
What is an episode? An episode is with Allie complains of tingling in her left arm which then turns into a full-blown who the hell knows what it is. She becomes very disoriented and loses all ability to move her left arm. She also gets the paralysis in the left side of her face (it twitches first). The left side of her mouth droops and her speech slurs. She loses her ability to drive or function in many ways and it causes her a lot of pain - "as if someone is squeezing her arm very tightly.
I feel so bad for her and question where this is coming from - brain healing, some sort of disregulation or possibly something else. Usually after a good nights sleep, she is fine in the morning but..... who knows? As she lie there sleeping - I wonder. The worse parts are when she asks when the pain will go away and the other day she asked me if she will ever be able to work or act or live normally because of her fear of these episodes. That is the pain.
For all intensive purposes, no one knows what a family in crisis goes through. Everyone is under the assumption that she is fine and normal and doing all of the things that normal 20 year olds do. No so.
Could it be panic and anxiety attacks? that is what I am beginning to believe as she exhibits the symptoms of panic attack and not seizure/ She has a final in a class today which may be stressing her out, she just started meeting with a therapist. Plus, she was so excited to be cast in a Brevard Little Theater plan and 3 night before the show, she had an episode during play rehearsal. The next day the director informed her that he was taking here our of the show - fear. It was a crushing blow to Allie and even though she appeared to be able to rationalize it the pain that was in her heart may be to much for her to bear. Fear, rejection, lack of friends. long days with not much to do and no one to hang out with on top of the pressures of school and everyday life.... Who knows? All I know is that she is my little girl and I will continue to search for new ways.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
November 24th 2010
Good morning everyone
well it's almost Thanksgiving and everyone in my family has a lot to be thankful for again this year. 2010 has brought with it many ups and downs but thankfully more ups and downs. It's been a year of growth and continued blessings as we all continue to grow towards full recovery.
Allie continues to grow and makes great strides. As for me, will I have been the lot of personal growth also as I have struggled with some of the decisions I have made with regards to Allie's therapies and whether or not I was doing the right things-it turns out that I was. It is difficult for us to know as parents if we are doing the right things for our children and if we have never had teenagers before, to know what his teenage behavior and what is brain injury behavior. Perplexing.
Allie is working with a life coach who has helped her set goals and has assisted her in her home with many of the organizational skills which you and I take for granted.Some of the best news for this holiday season is that Allie has been cast in a play (after many auditions and many rejections) and she is once again blossoming and growing now that she's back in her element. Thank you Al for giving her a chance when so many have not. It is a Christmas play and that is sort of significant because she truly is a miracle.
There's been a lot of interesting growth in Allie recently and she is becoming much more proactive in all aspects of her life. It is really cool to see how she is now handling adult decisions and making the right choices (at least as far as I can see as much if she lets me know). A few months back I made a questionnaire for Allie regarding how she feels (lonely, abandoned, happy, frustrated) and for the first time I got a very honest insight into what is going on in her mind in which she is going through and for as frustrating as it can be for me at times, it is much more frustrating for her but she's just so happy and so okay with everything that I cannot help but be happy and okay with her.
I guess one of the biggest things I've learned this year is to accept Allie for who she is and how she looks today and to love unconditionally no matter why. Believe me, when you have a brain injured child you have a tendency to view them as how they were before the accident( if it is a traumatic brain injury) and knowing the potential she had before the injury and with my never-ending mindset and perseverance towards full recovery, sometimes you can push a little bit hard-maybe too hard at times. But in the end, if it's done with love, then even if the bad times are good.
It's kind of like trying to open up a rusty gate. In the beginning, when you first push on it, it doesn't budge and even pushes back at you to return to its starting point. But if you keep pushing gently and adding oil (love) you'll eventually be able to get the gate open and functioning again.
So as we approach another Thanksgiving, let me just give thanks for all of you who prayed for Allie and have helped create this massive change in her life through your love and caring.
God bless you all,
Allie's dad
well it's almost Thanksgiving and everyone in my family has a lot to be thankful for again this year. 2010 has brought with it many ups and downs but thankfully more ups and downs. It's been a year of growth and continued blessings as we all continue to grow towards full recovery.
Allie continues to grow and makes great strides. As for me, will I have been the lot of personal growth also as I have struggled with some of the decisions I have made with regards to Allie's therapies and whether or not I was doing the right things-it turns out that I was. It is difficult for us to know as parents if we are doing the right things for our children and if we have never had teenagers before, to know what his teenage behavior and what is brain injury behavior. Perplexing.
Allie is working with a life coach who has helped her set goals and has assisted her in her home with many of the organizational skills which you and I take for granted.Some of the best news for this holiday season is that Allie has been cast in a play (after many auditions and many rejections) and she is once again blossoming and growing now that she's back in her element. Thank you Al for giving her a chance when so many have not. It is a Christmas play and that is sort of significant because she truly is a miracle.
There's been a lot of interesting growth in Allie recently and she is becoming much more proactive in all aspects of her life. It is really cool to see how she is now handling adult decisions and making the right choices (at least as far as I can see as much if she lets me know). A few months back I made a questionnaire for Allie regarding how she feels (lonely, abandoned, happy, frustrated) and for the first time I got a very honest insight into what is going on in her mind in which she is going through and for as frustrating as it can be for me at times, it is much more frustrating for her but she's just so happy and so okay with everything that I cannot help but be happy and okay with her.
I guess one of the biggest things I've learned this year is to accept Allie for who she is and how she looks today and to love unconditionally no matter why. Believe me, when you have a brain injured child you have a tendency to view them as how they were before the accident( if it is a traumatic brain injury) and knowing the potential she had before the injury and with my never-ending mindset and perseverance towards full recovery, sometimes you can push a little bit hard-maybe too hard at times. But in the end, if it's done with love, then even if the bad times are good.
It's kind of like trying to open up a rusty gate. In the beginning, when you first push on it, it doesn't budge and even pushes back at you to return to its starting point. But if you keep pushing gently and adding oil (love) you'll eventually be able to get the gate open and functioning again.
So as we approach another Thanksgiving, let me just give thanks for all of you who prayed for Allie and have helped create this massive change in her life through your love and caring.
God bless you all,
Allie's dad
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Wednesday Morning, July 29th 2010
Good morning everybody
My posts seem to be getting further and further apart and to me that is great news. That does not mean that there is nothing to report it only means that life is getting more normal around here. Allie continues to grow and seems headed for full recovery just like we had always imagined.
Currently she is working in an assisted living facility waiting tables for the dinnertime crowd is still attending classes at Blue Ridge community college with her mind set on elementary education specializing in the area of special ed. She is such a good soul and really seems to be very happy and content with her life. It's amazing when I think back to what was in it all the progress we've seen to the different phases of her recovery.. I remember how she used to just lay on the couch all day long and watch the same shows over and over and now I'm not even sure she watches television anymore because she always seems to be busy doing something. Now I'm not saying that there isn't more growth necessary but wow. I am so proud of her because she tries so hard as met so much rejection it has overcome the hurt and the loss of pride with renewed spirit and a new zest for life. She understands where she was and she understands where she is in truth be told I believe her when she says that she is actually happier where she is and where she was.
Every time I see her she has a smile on her face and although I'd still have feelings of sadness for what may have been those feelings are quickly overcome by my faith and by her incredible strength and by that bounced in her walk as I see her heading towards me. We had the most incredible brunch the other day while Nancy was out of town and when I look into her eyes I see hope and I know that the day will come when she will be fully self-sufficient. She still struggles in school and has her ups and downs. Organization is still quite a problem but probably it is for many 20-year-olds. It is only magnified and brought to light because she still lives in a fishbowl under the watchful eyes of mom and dad. She starts strong then goes through almost a given uprise us than mom and dad stepped in to remind her of her goals and she finishes strong.
Last night was so beautiful and brought me so much gratitude as sometimes mine gets lost and I forget the miracle which she truly is. Sometimes I want so much for her to succeed that I do not give her the option to fail and sometimes it may be too much for her and that is one I have to seek new ways and new options. I have to learn to speak in a language that she understands and realizing that she may not understand the language which I am speaking to her. I realize that in the end I will either go to heaven or hell for my actions and I am okay with that because I believe in that if I give her the option to fail she will take that option. I refuse to let her play the role of victim although many do. I refuse to put her on social services because if she collects a paycheck for doing nothing, that is what you will learn and that is what she will do. Instead, she is required to go school and she is required to work so that she can create a normal life for herself and understand what it takes to be self-sufficient in the case of her mom and I should suddenly no longer be here.
Last night she came to visit and as I was so tired I went to bed at about nine o'clock. Shortly after she came into the bedroom and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and say goodnight that I love you-I'm going home now and I say goodnight Allie I love you drive safe to what she said I always do. After she left I gave thanks to God and let him know how grateful I was giving me back my little girl and for giving me the strength, the courage and inspiration to continue my drive towards full recovery.
Love to all,
Allie's dad
My posts seem to be getting further and further apart and to me that is great news. That does not mean that there is nothing to report it only means that life is getting more normal around here. Allie continues to grow and seems headed for full recovery just like we had always imagined.
Currently she is working in an assisted living facility waiting tables for the dinnertime crowd is still attending classes at Blue Ridge community college with her mind set on elementary education specializing in the area of special ed. She is such a good soul and really seems to be very happy and content with her life. It's amazing when I think back to what was in it all the progress we've seen to the different phases of her recovery.. I remember how she used to just lay on the couch all day long and watch the same shows over and over and now I'm not even sure she watches television anymore because she always seems to be busy doing something. Now I'm not saying that there isn't more growth necessary but wow. I am so proud of her because she tries so hard as met so much rejection it has overcome the hurt and the loss of pride with renewed spirit and a new zest for life. She understands where she was and she understands where she is in truth be told I believe her when she says that she is actually happier where she is and where she was.
Every time I see her she has a smile on her face and although I'd still have feelings of sadness for what may have been those feelings are quickly overcome by my faith and by her incredible strength and by that bounced in her walk as I see her heading towards me. We had the most incredible brunch the other day while Nancy was out of town and when I look into her eyes I see hope and I know that the day will come when she will be fully self-sufficient. She still struggles in school and has her ups and downs. Organization is still quite a problem but probably it is for many 20-year-olds. It is only magnified and brought to light because she still lives in a fishbowl under the watchful eyes of mom and dad. She starts strong then goes through almost a given uprise us than mom and dad stepped in to remind her of her goals and she finishes strong.
Last night was so beautiful and brought me so much gratitude as sometimes mine gets lost and I forget the miracle which she truly is. Sometimes I want so much for her to succeed that I do not give her the option to fail and sometimes it may be too much for her and that is one I have to seek new ways and new options. I have to learn to speak in a language that she understands and realizing that she may not understand the language which I am speaking to her. I realize that in the end I will either go to heaven or hell for my actions and I am okay with that because I believe in that if I give her the option to fail she will take that option. I refuse to let her play the role of victim although many do. I refuse to put her on social services because if she collects a paycheck for doing nothing, that is what you will learn and that is what she will do. Instead, she is required to go school and she is required to work so that she can create a normal life for herself and understand what it takes to be self-sufficient in the case of her mom and I should suddenly no longer be here.
Last night she came to visit and as I was so tired I went to bed at about nine o'clock. Shortly after she came into the bedroom and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and say goodnight that I love you-I'm going home now and I say goodnight Allie I love you drive safe to what she said I always do. After she left I gave thanks to God and let him know how grateful I was giving me back my little girl and for giving me the strength, the courage and inspiration to continue my drive towards full recovery.
Love to all,
Allie's dad
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Happy Fathers Day
well here it is Father's Day 2010 and I could not be more grateful for the stay. In fact I'm grateful for every day and for all of the blessings God has been gracious enough to bestow upon us. I really don't even know how to begin expressing my thoughts and feelings on this day except to say thank you, for all of the blessings, for all of the lessons, for all of the growth, for all of the change, and for having my family whole on this day.
As I've said before, I have never gone back and reread the blog although one day I too will. There is really only one day or one blog which I can really remember without even having him back to read it and that was the Father's Day blog three years ago. I remember that on that day Allie was on the second floor at Greenville Memorial Hospital. She was out of her coma, and was unable to speak, walk, or do anything for herself but she was alive.
I remember writing, that today there will be no barbecue, no cards, or but that it was the greatest Father's Day that I would ever experience. The amount of love and gratitude and hope and faith and family strength and the love of family and strangers all across the world carry me through that day and no man could ever ask for more.
I have been so blessed in this lifetime and today the realization and actualization of all of these blessings will never be more evident than when I have Father's Day brunch how Allie's house before taking Matthew to his college freshman orientation. I don't know the how or why have long ago stopped looking for the answers. Nancy and I speak often about this blessing and can only make logic of it by accepting that it is God's will for our journey in this lifetime and for Allie's journey.
It is now just over one month in Allie has been living in her own house in downtown Brevard and really doing it this time. She is growing more and more every day and has become one of the most beautiful parts, spirits, and person that I have never met. But beyond that, she understands. She knows who she was, she understands what happened, and she is happy, I mean truly happy with her new self and her new life. Sure she still has some deficits but if I died today, I would die content in the fact of knowing that she would be a will to take care of herself and that she would continue to grow and create a life/the life that she deserves this and that is truly a wonderful feeling. I am just so proud of her because she tries so hard has met with so many setbacks and disappointments and has met each one head-on and with a smile on her face and has continued to move forward overcoming each and every one of them. Today she has a real sense of who she is and she has direction, she has goals, and she has become a self-starter. For anyone out there who has a brain injured child they understand what I'm talking about. Your heart breaks for your child when you think of what could have been, what is and what might be in the future. While I've long stopped thinking about what could have been and maybe that was my blessing because it allowed me to just concentrate and focus not so much on the what is and never on the what could've been but only on the what will be.
I remember looking at her in the hospital with her head bandaged, non-responsive, choose hanging out of everywhere, and just knowing with my whole heart that this child would come back to us while at the same time allowing her the choice to move on and go back home. It gets harder to remember as time goes by all of the emotions that you once felt especially as you watch her grow and become a person again and a person and am so proud of. Today's the day that is beyond my wildest dreams. Allie went grocery shopping with Nancy last night and this morning is preparing products for her daddy in her own house. what a small little thing to be considered such a huge victory but it is these small victories which continue one after another to allow me to see the light at the end of the tunnel but when I consider where she came from even just a few short months ago lying on the couch, kind of confused and in a fog, no friends, no ambition, and always wondering, did I see the beauty in the day and the beauty in the child. I remember before the accident to relationship that Allie and I had. It was not a good one. There was no love there was only anger and trauma and everything in the world was about Allie. My how things have changed since then because the love that I feel for her today, is the greatest love of father could have for a child. It is truly a miracle.
So on the special Father's Day, I would like for everyone to know how thankful I am for all of their support and I would like to send out Father's Day wishes to every father out there.I pray for you and I pray you will receive all of the same blessings which I have received and more.
Heavenly father, on this special day and on every day I thank you for the gifts which you give me and for the blessings which you bestow upon me. I pray you will continue to let Ally grow in the toolmaker growth and her recovery fast and gentle. Thank you for giving me the strength to continue seeking new avenues of growth and for giving me the courage to be the man that I have become.
The biggest Father's Day gift for me is that I have finally reached a place of peace. By that I mean that I can live my day and I do not live in fear that every time the phone rings is going to be a call from a policeman or a hospital or an ambulance or that something is wrong. I was never sure that this feeling would ever go away but with each passing day it is going away and now when the phone rings I am not afraid because I know at the other end of the line will be a happy little voice just calling to say that everything is well and that she is happy and that she loves us and that is the greatest gift I could ever dream of.
My love and best wishes to every father out there, and every family out there. I keep you and hold you all in my heart.
Allie's dad
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Tuesday Morning, Mat 14th, 2010
Good Morning All
Today marks the three year anniversary of Allie's accident and hopefully this may be my last blog. It seems like only yesterday when we received the call from the hospital letting us know of Allie's accident and my body still tingles when I think of it. So where do I start?
Let me begin by thanking everyone for the love and support they have offered over the years and for the gifts and cards they continue to send to Allie during her journey. Your love and inspiration have carried us through the darkest of times and has shown us the power of prayer on its highest level. Your kindness and generosity has touched our hearts in places we did not even know they could be touched.
It has been an unbelievable journey and when they said in the hospital to save our energy, because brain injuries were marathons, they were not kidding. The fatigue of the Boston Marathon pales in comparison (not that I ever ran it but..)
This journey, with all of its ups and downs and fears and tears has been and always will be a blessing for all of us because for the first time in her life Allie is happy. Her dreams of Broadway may be gone but again a blessing because Allie has learned to accept herself for who she is and has said that if she knew the accident was going to happen, she would still have taken the same route that night because she has loves the person she has become. Wow.
On the anniversary of her accident Allie is fulfilling one of her dreams and that is to move into her own place downtown. She has lived on her own on and off for the last year and at times we have looked back during her recovery and wondered if what we were doing was right but in the end, I guess it was. All things for a reason. We have had our issues and continue to overcome them and I am sure there will be more down the road but I now consider them teenage issues instead of brain injury issues.
A few days ago while Allie and I were out at breakfast, I asked her if she considered herself disabled in any way and she thought for a moment and answered that she did not. As we talked I told her that one of the reasons we fought some times and why I pushed her was because I never thought of her as disabled and I was not going to allow her to "play the disabled card" which could happen at times. Nancy and I have become much more philosophical over the years and realize that you can consider this a gift from God or we could have fallen into a victim consciousness and allowed it to ruin us. We choose to consider it a gift and a new journey.
At school, Allie is doing amazing as she just finished up two classes (intro to algebra and public speaking) and got a "B" in both classes. This is HUGE and we are all so proud of her. She drove herself to class everyday and with a little prompting she stayed organized and on track completing all of her assignments on her own. When I think back three years, which is becoming harder and harder to do, I am in awe of how far she has come. She is registered for a summer class and is currently looking for part-time work.
Today Allie dreams of sharing her love for children by becoming a special ed. elementary school teacher. She still sings at times and continues to make me watch America's Next Top Model with her and I love every minute of it.
It is so weird. As Allie continues to grow, she of course becomes more independent and less needy. I find that I miss the days when we would just get in the car to drive and we would spend hours just talking and driving but for as much as I miss our time together, I am just so proud of the way she continues to face life head on with enthusiasm and courage.It is interesting to see how the student has become the teacher because she has taught me so much more than I have taught her.
Although we have gone through the worst of it and God has seen fit to bless us with the return of our daughter and Full Recover is a reality, there are the everyday reminders which follow us day to day as we continue the process; probably the worst being that every time a phone rings, no matter where we are, our hearts stop and we hold our breath - could it be that call again and when we answer the phone and hear Allie's voice on the other end you do not breathe until you hear that everything is okay. It will probably always be this way although hopefully, in time, it will lessen and if that is the worst, well, we can deal with that.
Nancy and I were sitting on the deck the other day talking about how life as we know it right now is the calmest it has ever been and then the phone rand, it was Beth Drennan the minister who was the first one on the scene of Allie's accident checking in to see how Allie was doing. It had been a long time since we spoke and it was so good to hear her voice and to be able to give a good report.
For those still still suffering I can only offer the following:
Question everything
Try everything
Never give up hope
Never stop trying new things
Stay as holistic as possible
Always remember that you are in charge
Ask God for gentle healing
Accept and embrace your new life
Full Recovery is an attitude, a life style and a possibility.
God bless you all.
Allie's Dad
Today marks the three year anniversary of Allie's accident and hopefully this may be my last blog. It seems like only yesterday when we received the call from the hospital letting us know of Allie's accident and my body still tingles when I think of it. So where do I start?
Let me begin by thanking everyone for the love and support they have offered over the years and for the gifts and cards they continue to send to Allie during her journey. Your love and inspiration have carried us through the darkest of times and has shown us the power of prayer on its highest level. Your kindness and generosity has touched our hearts in places we did not even know they could be touched.
It has been an unbelievable journey and when they said in the hospital to save our energy, because brain injuries were marathons, they were not kidding. The fatigue of the Boston Marathon pales in comparison (not that I ever ran it but..)
This journey, with all of its ups and downs and fears and tears has been and always will be a blessing for all of us because for the first time in her life Allie is happy. Her dreams of Broadway may be gone but again a blessing because Allie has learned to accept herself for who she is and has said that if she knew the accident was going to happen, she would still have taken the same route that night because she has loves the person she has become. Wow.
On the anniversary of her accident Allie is fulfilling one of her dreams and that is to move into her own place downtown. She has lived on her own on and off for the last year and at times we have looked back during her recovery and wondered if what we were doing was right but in the end, I guess it was. All things for a reason. We have had our issues and continue to overcome them and I am sure there will be more down the road but I now consider them teenage issues instead of brain injury issues.
A few days ago while Allie and I were out at breakfast, I asked her if she considered herself disabled in any way and she thought for a moment and answered that she did not. As we talked I told her that one of the reasons we fought some times and why I pushed her was because I never thought of her as disabled and I was not going to allow her to "play the disabled card" which could happen at times. Nancy and I have become much more philosophical over the years and realize that you can consider this a gift from God or we could have fallen into a victim consciousness and allowed it to ruin us. We choose to consider it a gift and a new journey.
At school, Allie is doing amazing as she just finished up two classes (intro to algebra and public speaking) and got a "B" in both classes. This is HUGE and we are all so proud of her. She drove herself to class everyday and with a little prompting she stayed organized and on track completing all of her assignments on her own. When I think back three years, which is becoming harder and harder to do, I am in awe of how far she has come. She is registered for a summer class and is currently looking for part-time work.
Today Allie dreams of sharing her love for children by becoming a special ed. elementary school teacher. She still sings at times and continues to make me watch America's Next Top Model with her and I love every minute of it.
It is so weird. As Allie continues to grow, she of course becomes more independent and less needy. I find that I miss the days when we would just get in the car to drive and we would spend hours just talking and driving but for as much as I miss our time together, I am just so proud of the way she continues to face life head on with enthusiasm and courage.It is interesting to see how the student has become the teacher because she has taught me so much more than I have taught her.
Although we have gone through the worst of it and God has seen fit to bless us with the return of our daughter and Full Recover is a reality, there are the everyday reminders which follow us day to day as we continue the process; probably the worst being that every time a phone rings, no matter where we are, our hearts stop and we hold our breath - could it be that call again and when we answer the phone and hear Allie's voice on the other end you do not breathe until you hear that everything is okay. It will probably always be this way although hopefully, in time, it will lessen and if that is the worst, well, we can deal with that.
Nancy and I were sitting on the deck the other day talking about how life as we know it right now is the calmest it has ever been and then the phone rand, it was Beth Drennan the minister who was the first one on the scene of Allie's accident checking in to see how Allie was doing. It had been a long time since we spoke and it was so good to hear her voice and to be able to give a good report.
For those still still suffering I can only offer the following:
Question everything
Try everything
Never give up hope
Never stop trying new things
Stay as holistic as possible
Always remember that you are in charge
Ask God for gentle healing
Accept and embrace your new life
Full Recovery is an attitude, a life style and a possibility.
God bless you all.
Allie's Dad
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Saturday Morning, Feb. 6, 2010
Happy birthday honey. Three birthdays have passed since the accident and each one continues to bring with it renewed growth and spirit. At one time, I did not know if your would see 18 and now as you celebrate 20, I know that Full Recovery is no longer a slogan but is instead an actuality.My heart sings with joy as I watch you blossom into the woman and potential we all knew was possibly. It has not been an easy road but one that we were destined to take together.
As you understand, things do not just happen. There is a reason for everything and together we have come to understand and grow from this experience. Together, we have relearned what life is all about. We have faced adversity and overcome. There are great things ahead in life and where the road takes us we do not know. All we can do is to relearn and become better in the eyes of God.
Thank you for helping me become a better person. Because I've know you - I have been changed for good.
I am so proud of you and I love you millions and billions.
Dad
As you understand, things do not just happen. There is a reason for everything and together we have come to understand and grow from this experience. Together, we have relearned what life is all about. We have faced adversity and overcome. There are great things ahead in life and where the road takes us we do not know. All we can do is to relearn and become better in the eyes of God.
Thank you for helping me become a better person. Because I've know you - I have been changed for good.
I am so proud of you and I love you millions and billions.
Dad
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Dec. 20 Sunday Night
I learn more and more about brain injuries every day. They are elusive. I think we have hit another milestone in our recovery. I also think I must reiterate that it is a recovery process for everyone. In our initial days at the Roger C. Peace Center (the rehab) we were told that brain injuries are a marathon. No one said, they are really the Iron Man triathlon.
Don't get me wrong, we are truly blessed and we all know it but after 2.8 years (give or take) Allie is beginning to grieve and that is a good thing but painful for all none the less. Interestingly, Allie has been snowed in her house, without a vehicle and without a computer for the last three days. This, I am sure has given her a lot of time to think and to be quiet with only her thoughts, her kitty and a small television. No distractions. I think we could all benefit from a stay like that.
She has come to understand and more importantly admit that she does have defecits in certain areas. What a painful but necessary realization. Now true healing can begin. So for as sad as it can be, it has regnited a mission. Now we can truly once again take the next step towards Full Recovery.
Please continue your prayers for Allie, Paige, Rachel and thier families.
Allie's Dad
Don't get me wrong, we are truly blessed and we all know it but after 2.8 years (give or take) Allie is beginning to grieve and that is a good thing but painful for all none the less. Interestingly, Allie has been snowed in her house, without a vehicle and without a computer for the last three days. This, I am sure has given her a lot of time to think and to be quiet with only her thoughts, her kitty and a small television. No distractions. I think we could all benefit from a stay like that.
She has come to understand and more importantly admit that she does have defecits in certain areas. What a painful but necessary realization. Now true healing can begin. So for as sad as it can be, it has regnited a mission. Now we can truly once again take the next step towards Full Recovery.
Please continue your prayers for Allie, Paige, Rachel and thier families.
Allie's Dad
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Tuesday Evening, Nov. 17, 2009
Hi All
Well it has been two weeks that Allie has been living on her own and things seem to be going really well. She is doing her own shopping and cooking and handling all of the chores of living on your own. Beyond your wildest dreams? Full Recovery - Never a Doubt.
Today she also got a job at the Dollar Tree and starts tomorrow. The best part is that she took the initiative and did it on her own. Since every day is a new day, I live with hope. The hope that she will continue to grow and get better and better ever day..
Thank you for all of your continued prayers. Nancy and I love all of you.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Allie's Dad
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday Afternoon, November 9, 2009
Amazing things continue to happen every day and with each event comes a tear of joy and a heartful of grattitude. Our little girl has taken spread her wings and has moved into a two bedroom cabin we own about twenty minutes from our office or fourty minutes from our homes.
It's wierd but is sometyhing that had to happen. Allie has so much passion for life and for being a "normal teenager" if there is such a thing that deep down she knew she needed to be on her own. I think that by moving into the cabin she will grow even further and faster than I ever cold have imagined. This is a true reality check. She will learn how to budget money and make decisions and reap either the benefits or the consequences of her decisions and that is something she needs because Nancy and I are so protective that we micromanage every moment in her life and the time for all has got to come to an end so she can grow up.
I am so proud of her. She is handling things like a champ. First our cabin is in a place which has people around it but none of her freinds. It is in the beautiful mountains on two acres with a creek running through it so she has plenty of room and I am hoping that she will take pride in ownersip and will make it hers. She got a little grey striped kitten she calls Zebra or "Z" for short and this is a blessing too because it not only gives her someone to love and keep her company but it also teaches her responsibility. This is such a blessing and she is learning real life lessons. She gets a budget for gas and food and a little for play and she now has to fugure out how to make it last (we'll see) but she is learning and making decisions. Do I go back to town when I only have a little gas? Do I eat or put in more gas.... All of the things we have all gone through and had to figure out
So how long will it last? Who cares? IT has been a week and she is showing no signs of being needy or of breaking down. She has visited the house twice and comes over once a week for her neurofeedback training. I thinl she loves having her space and being able to come to the office or the house and visit and then go home to her own space. I thank God for his grace and for everyones prayers. Please continue to pray for Allie and for our good friends Paige Cook and Rachel Juliano, we love them so much and eveyone needs your prayers.
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
Allie's Dad
It's wierd but is sometyhing that had to happen. Allie has so much passion for life and for being a "normal teenager" if there is such a thing that deep down she knew she needed to be on her own. I think that by moving into the cabin she will grow even further and faster than I ever cold have imagined. This is a true reality check. She will learn how to budget money and make decisions and reap either the benefits or the consequences of her decisions and that is something she needs because Nancy and I are so protective that we micromanage every moment in her life and the time for all has got to come to an end so she can grow up.
I am so proud of her. She is handling things like a champ. First our cabin is in a place which has people around it but none of her freinds. It is in the beautiful mountains on two acres with a creek running through it so she has plenty of room and I am hoping that she will take pride in ownersip and will make it hers. She got a little grey striped kitten she calls Zebra or "Z" for short and this is a blessing too because it not only gives her someone to love and keep her company but it also teaches her responsibility. This is such a blessing and she is learning real life lessons. She gets a budget for gas and food and a little for play and she now has to fugure out how to make it last (we'll see) but she is learning and making decisions. Do I go back to town when I only have a little gas? Do I eat or put in more gas.... All of the things we have all gone through and had to figure out
So how long will it last? Who cares? IT has been a week and she is showing no signs of being needy or of breaking down. She has visited the house twice and comes over once a week for her neurofeedback training. I thinl she loves having her space and being able to come to the office or the house and visit and then go home to her own space. I thank God for his grace and for everyones prayers. Please continue to pray for Allie and for our good friends Paige Cook and Rachel Juliano, we love them so much and eveyone needs your prayers.
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
Allie's Dad
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday Evening, October 11th, 2009
Hi Everyone
Well it sure has been a long time since we have had an Allie update and it is good. In fact, it is unbelievable. Full Recovery - Never a Doubt.
I believe I have already written about Allie's last accident back in January and how we were led to Neurofeedback and I thank God that we were. It has made all of the difference in the world in her recovery.
As I write, it is as if things are normal here at our home. Allie is doing great and is making huge strides everyday. In fact, if you met her on the street and did not know she was ever in an accident, you may not be able to tell. She is driving again and is attending our local community college. Believe it or not, she is taking a full schedule - 13 credits. Unbelieveable!
She has become the most amazing person. She is happy and very okay with where she is at this time. She had changed her major and is now declaring herself as elementary education. She loves little kids and they love her. She is beautiful and creative and happy. She has taken up beading and has gotten quite good at it. She started her own little business called Skye Creations and sells her jewelry in a few local shops. She is also working in our office a few hours a week. We keep her busy and she is able to stay focused for long stretches of time. Actually, one of the very few deficiencies is still her short term memory has problems every now and again. Whose dosen't have that problem.
Allie is really fitting in again and is starting to reconnect with friends from high school who are now in college with her.
Nancy and I are finding life is becoming normal again. Allie is not nearly as needy as she use to be and is usually out of the house with friends or just doing Allie things which leaves Nancy and I free to do things together - without worrying about getting a phone call. That is a great feeling.
So everything is going great here. We still pray every night for further recovery, for all of us.
Thanks for your continued prayers.
Allie's Dad
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Tuesday Morning, August 18th
Good Morning Everyone
Well it has been a long time since my last blog. Although it is never far from my mind, I now have a tebdancy to hold off with the writing in the hopes that the story has ended and there will be nothing to share, but the truth is is that this is a living document that will never end while I am still of this world.
Whenever I think of Allie, I smile and give thanks for how far we have come. One could look at what has happened in a pholosophical and theorethical fashion as I choose to drawing my stregnth from God and an understanding of theory or what is possible. I also draw strength from the Universal and metaphysical laws of the universe, meaning that everything happens in accordance with a master plan. So what happened had to happen and what is happening happens with the steps that we take to drive it in a particular direction. So why do I write these feelings about what we do and how we feel. In order to possible help someone who may be going through what we did and are going through.
Allie is finishing up a 5 day stay at her nana's house in NY and is now on her way to the airport to come homw. She just text messaged and said she wanted to live there. Nana has that effect on people butcome home she must. Allie begins college again in a few days. Incredibly she is scheduled to take 13 credit which is fantastic and while I will be there rooting for her and helping in every way, I am once again not attached to the outcome. Everyday she is becoming more and more mature and it is all of our dreams to see her through this year of school and then tpo see her transfer to one with a dorm so she will live on her own. Doable? Very doable! She is awesome. One of the things she has taken a passion to is jewlery making and has created quite a number of beaded product which I would swear came from a store but I watched her make them. She is also driving again by herself so if you are in Brevard, watch out Smile, smile.
Nancy and I were talking this morning about her stay in the hospital during breakfast this morning and as we relived it we once again became comitted to getting the message. out to how people should protect themselves and their loved ones during that time and discussed ways we can help. Unfortunately the further removed you are from a situation the less memory you have of it and the intensity of your desire goes down. I promise you I will not lose either and although things may not have materialized yet the way I planned or sopke of originally, that does not mean they will not, it only means that at that time I lacked the understanding of the process it takes to recovery and how long it would occupy us once along with needing and wanting to give time and love to our other child. It will happen because of this blog (all my notes are in it) and because it needs to.
Before I end this long message, I again want to say to all of my friends out there who are going through a similar situation, stay with God, stay the course and don't give up! Study on what is happening, don't just believe the guy in the white coat, be proactive, don't wait for the nurses or expect anyone else to be on your side - you are in charge so take charge, be open to alternative methods, heck they don't know everything - if alternatives did not work they would not be here,
Again I believe neurofeedback has been a blessing for Allie and has created the change necessary to bring her to the next level.
Create a journal of what happened, and what continues to happen on a daily basis. I have never to this day re-read mine but I will someday, however I am so glad it is there to remind me how strong my love for my family and friend is and how strong my belief in God is. It show me how We took charge to help our daughter when other did not. It serves as a reminder that we have an obligation to help others.
Life is good.
Allie's Dad
Well it has been a long time since my last blog. Although it is never far from my mind, I now have a tebdancy to hold off with the writing in the hopes that the story has ended and there will be nothing to share, but the truth is is that this is a living document that will never end while I am still of this world.
Whenever I think of Allie, I smile and give thanks for how far we have come. One could look at what has happened in a pholosophical and theorethical fashion as I choose to drawing my stregnth from God and an understanding of theory or what is possible. I also draw strength from the Universal and metaphysical laws of the universe, meaning that everything happens in accordance with a master plan. So what happened had to happen and what is happening happens with the steps that we take to drive it in a particular direction. So why do I write these feelings about what we do and how we feel. In order to possible help someone who may be going through what we did and are going through.
Allie is finishing up a 5 day stay at her nana's house in NY and is now on her way to the airport to come homw. She just text messaged and said she wanted to live there. Nana has that effect on people butcome home she must. Allie begins college again in a few days. Incredibly she is scheduled to take 13 credit which is fantastic and while I will be there rooting for her and helping in every way, I am once again not attached to the outcome. Everyday she is becoming more and more mature and it is all of our dreams to see her through this year of school and then tpo see her transfer to one with a dorm so she will live on her own. Doable? Very doable! She is awesome. One of the things she has taken a passion to is jewlery making and has created quite a number of beaded product which I would swear came from a store but I watched her make them. She is also driving again by herself so if you are in Brevard, watch out Smile, smile.
Nancy and I were talking this morning about her stay in the hospital during breakfast this morning and as we relived it we once again became comitted to getting the message. out to how people should protect themselves and their loved ones during that time and discussed ways we can help. Unfortunately the further removed you are from a situation the less memory you have of it and the intensity of your desire goes down. I promise you I will not lose either and although things may not have materialized yet the way I planned or sopke of originally, that does not mean they will not, it only means that at that time I lacked the understanding of the process it takes to recovery and how long it would occupy us once along with needing and wanting to give time and love to our other child. It will happen because of this blog (all my notes are in it) and because it needs to.
Before I end this long message, I again want to say to all of my friends out there who are going through a similar situation, stay with God, stay the course and don't give up! Study on what is happening, don't just believe the guy in the white coat, be proactive, don't wait for the nurses or expect anyone else to be on your side - you are in charge so take charge, be open to alternative methods, heck they don't know everything - if alternatives did not work they would not be here,
Again I believe neurofeedback has been a blessing for Allie and has created the change necessary to bring her to the next level.
Create a journal of what happened, and what continues to happen on a daily basis. I have never to this day re-read mine but I will someday, however I am so glad it is there to remind me how strong my love for my family and friend is and how strong my belief in God is. It show me how We took charge to help our daughter when other did not. It serves as a reminder that we have an obligation to help others.
Life is good.
Allie's Dad
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
June 16th, 2009 morning
Things continue to progress and Allie continues her journey to Full Recovery. Every day we notice new changes in her behavior, her actions and her drive. In the past she did not notice any deficits in herself and she though she had reached a state of Full Recovery but now more thanever she is the one who is pusing and driving herself. She may not realize why but she is talking more about going away to college but she understands that she has to raise her academic bar. Must be starange but just like I can not really remember life before the accident I am sure she can not either. Fortunately I believe she remembers just enough to motivate her or she is seeing her friends move on and she wants to be a part of it. Cool, what ever way it is foward progress.
Huge leap in faith and maturity last week. Allie flew to Florida all by herself to spend a week with my sister Roni. Now I know that sounds like a little thing but after shat she has been though I was definitely nervous as time can get away from her and then switching gates..... would she make it to the gate in time, what if her flight was late and she missed her connector? There were a million different scenarios playing out in my head. What if she did not have a good time there or had an emotional moment or seizure or whatever? Would she take her medicine, or drink alcohol (not good for seizures) but innately I know she would do well and she did.
She loves her job at the assisted living facility and is looking to get more hours. She is learning to understand the value of money. When to spend and when to save. She like to spend better but who doesn't? As an added therapy we have been taking her to jewlery making classes and she loves it and is really good at it. As we try to help her with career choices and we believe in doing something that makes you happy not just makes you money we sat down and opened up a round table discussion as to what Allie likes to do and her favorite thing was always arts and crafts. Ever since she was a little girl she loved beads and cutting paper and that stuff so possibly jewlery making? After her first class she came out with a bracelet she made (two and a half hours of beading, not that is what I call therapy for her hands and hand eye coordination) and it was beautiful. Could have actually put it in a store and sold it. Next a necklance and today is her third lesson and she is way excited.
We will be registering her for another semester of college this week and we are hoping for the best. She will be doign two acadenim classes and two electives. She wanted to do four, I was thinking more three. We will do four.
Right ow Allie is doing her Neurofeedback and again I will say it is this training that has made all of the difference in her and I am recommending it to all of my friends. Seek out a therapist in your area nd try it for at least twenty sessions. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
We are grateful and thankful to God and every person we have met on this journey. For whatever reason this was meant to be our journey so we gratefully accept it and the challenges that come with it and thank God for making us better people in the process.
Love and Recovery
Allie's Dad
Huge leap in faith and maturity last week. Allie flew to Florida all by herself to spend a week with my sister Roni. Now I know that sounds like a little thing but after shat she has been though I was definitely nervous as time can get away from her and then switching gates..... would she make it to the gate in time, what if her flight was late and she missed her connector? There were a million different scenarios playing out in my head. What if she did not have a good time there or had an emotional moment or seizure or whatever? Would she take her medicine, or drink alcohol (not good for seizures) but innately I know she would do well and she did.
She loves her job at the assisted living facility and is looking to get more hours. She is learning to understand the value of money. When to spend and when to save. She like to spend better but who doesn't? As an added therapy we have been taking her to jewlery making classes and she loves it and is really good at it. As we try to help her with career choices and we believe in doing something that makes you happy not just makes you money we sat down and opened up a round table discussion as to what Allie likes to do and her favorite thing was always arts and crafts. Ever since she was a little girl she loved beads and cutting paper and that stuff so possibly jewlery making? After her first class she came out with a bracelet she made (two and a half hours of beading, not that is what I call therapy for her hands and hand eye coordination) and it was beautiful. Could have actually put it in a store and sold it. Next a necklance and today is her third lesson and she is way excited.
We will be registering her for another semester of college this week and we are hoping for the best. She will be doign two acadenim classes and two electives. She wanted to do four, I was thinking more three. We will do four.
Right ow Allie is doing her Neurofeedback and again I will say it is this training that has made all of the difference in her and I am recommending it to all of my friends. Seek out a therapist in your area nd try it for at least twenty sessions. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
We are grateful and thankful to God and every person we have met on this journey. For whatever reason this was meant to be our journey so we gratefully accept it and the challenges that come with it and thank God for making us better people in the process.
Love and Recovery
Allie's Dad
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Last Tuesday in April, 2009
A true day of gratitude. Every now and then, Allie and I decide to go visit the nurses and doctors at Greenville Memorial Hospital. It is not only a reminder to us of how far we have come but also serves to let the docotrs and nurses see that their good work does produce great results (sometimes, not every thing or nothing is in our control) and it also helps some of the people we meet along the way in there; people who are suffering on their own and are given a glimpse of hope and possibility by her presence. Today I think I went mostly for me and may just be the last time we make this trip. We will still seek to inspire but I no longer think I need the (in some wierd way) comfort of being there. When you are somewhere for so long it becomes comfortable there and almost feel safe in some strange way. I personally feel free and safe and on the road to full recovery myself along with every member of my family. I no longer think that Allie will ever need their services again and that life is really going to be okay.
It was inspiring at the hospital today. Not only inspiring but validating and in many ways the validation came from being recognized by many of the nurses and doctors for the control we had at the hospital and for the way we handled our daughters recovery. It is not that validation is needed but it feels very good. It makes you just look at each other and allows you to nod in silence together. We make the connection that we did do our job to the best of our abilities and with God, prayer, the nurses and doctors, her brother Matt and his wise guidance, we, in some way, did make a difference in her recovery and will continue to.
The nurses in the ICU were so excited to see Allie and they clamoured around her and peppered her with questions about what she is doing and how school was going and when she dyed her hair red (yesterday) and she handled all of their questions very well. The ICU shook her up this time and hit her emotionally especially when she saw a guy with a fresh amputation of his leg, no dressing on just fresh healing. I did have to explain to her and with no disrespect to anyone that he was fortunate to be alive and that many people live active and fulfillinf lives with artificial limbs. She wasn't fully convinced but we moved on to the Rehab Center and saw her doctor there who was quite amazed by her and they chatted for 10 minutes or so. The rest was a lot of the same but the emotional ties are fading. NOw we have been here before but this time I believe we have crossed a hurdle that we never have to go back over.
You know, a lot of this was also to show them, to prove to them that she would make a full recovery let them know that if they would open their eyes and make a better attempt or take a different approach that they may have different outcomes. To almost sat FU, damn it, you were ready to give up on her but we were not! There, I said it. FU we will not give up them and we will not give up ever. Don't know where all that came from but it sure is what I was feeling. I guess the trip today stirred up a lot of the bad crap also but reingited out fire, our gratitude and our love of God. Thank you for this journey. I know it's not over but I now look forward to the rest.
As crazy as it may sound to many but today I was told that it is time that we all move on with our lives. I like the sound of that.
Before I go and I am sure I will always be back, let me tell you that I had the chance to hear Allie siong with her new instructor Kate this morning and I was floored. I have been told by two people that her pitch was perfect and that she is singing as well if not better than before the accident.
In gratitude, now and always
Allie's Dad
PS please pray for our friends Paige Cook and Rachel Juliano and please pass all of their names on to your prayer groups. Allie Cagen, Paige Cook, Rachel Juliano and all of their families. God Bless
It was inspiring at the hospital today. Not only inspiring but validating and in many ways the validation came from being recognized by many of the nurses and doctors for the control we had at the hospital and for the way we handled our daughters recovery. It is not that validation is needed but it feels very good. It makes you just look at each other and allows you to nod in silence together. We make the connection that we did do our job to the best of our abilities and with God, prayer, the nurses and doctors, her brother Matt and his wise guidance, we, in some way, did make a difference in her recovery and will continue to.
The nurses in the ICU were so excited to see Allie and they clamoured around her and peppered her with questions about what she is doing and how school was going and when she dyed her hair red (yesterday) and she handled all of their questions very well. The ICU shook her up this time and hit her emotionally especially when she saw a guy with a fresh amputation of his leg, no dressing on just fresh healing. I did have to explain to her and with no disrespect to anyone that he was fortunate to be alive and that many people live active and fulfillinf lives with artificial limbs. She wasn't fully convinced but we moved on to the Rehab Center and saw her doctor there who was quite amazed by her and they chatted for 10 minutes or so. The rest was a lot of the same but the emotional ties are fading. NOw we have been here before but this time I believe we have crossed a hurdle that we never have to go back over.
You know, a lot of this was also to show them, to prove to them that she would make a full recovery let them know that if they would open their eyes and make a better attempt or take a different approach that they may have different outcomes. To almost sat FU, damn it, you were ready to give up on her but we were not! There, I said it. FU we will not give up them and we will not give up ever. Don't know where all that came from but it sure is what I was feeling. I guess the trip today stirred up a lot of the bad crap also but reingited out fire, our gratitude and our love of God. Thank you for this journey. I know it's not over but I now look forward to the rest.
As crazy as it may sound to many but today I was told that it is time that we all move on with our lives. I like the sound of that.
Before I go and I am sure I will always be back, let me tell you that I had the chance to hear Allie siong with her new instructor Kate this morning and I was floored. I have been told by two people that her pitch was perfect and that she is singing as well if not better than before the accident.
In gratitude, now and always
Allie's Dad
PS please pray for our friends Paige Cook and Rachel Juliano and please pass all of their names on to your prayer groups. Allie Cagen, Paige Cook, Rachel Juliano and all of their families. God Bless
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunday, April 19th, 2008
Hey everyone. Just a quick note to say hello and let you know that everything is going OK here. Don't get me wrong, TBI's suck but everyday we make more and more progress. At sometimes it seems like we are going backwards and we probably are but that is the nature of healing.
Last week was spring break and Nancy, Allie and I went to the beach where we met Nancy's brother Mike. We love Mike. We saw that the weather was going to be iffey on Monday and Tuesday so we got spontaneous and drove three and a half hours to the Magic Kingdom and spent the day with Mickey Mouse and to top it all off we called my sister Roni who lives three and a half hours on the other side of Disney and she drove up and met us. It truly was Magical. Every day we learn more and more about Allie and her injury. Some days we cry, somedays we laugh but everyday we are grateful to have the opportunity. This is certainly the hardest thing any of us have every had to endure and it goes on and on. Someday we will reach our goal of Full Recovery.
After we left Orlando we drove north to St. Augestine, FL. What a cool town and then home again for beach time.
Allie is teaching me to be a better person but sometimes we fight and argue and say things that we shouldn't but we all get frustrated and it has to be very hard for a 19 year old to be around her mommy and daddy so much and to have her life controlled as much as it is.
Still very happy with the Neurofeedback and the progress we are seeing with it.
Love to All
Steve
Last week was spring break and Nancy, Allie and I went to the beach where we met Nancy's brother Mike. We love Mike. We saw that the weather was going to be iffey on Monday and Tuesday so we got spontaneous and drove three and a half hours to the Magic Kingdom and spent the day with Mickey Mouse and to top it all off we called my sister Roni who lives three and a half hours on the other side of Disney and she drove up and met us. It truly was Magical. Every day we learn more and more about Allie and her injury. Some days we cry, somedays we laugh but everyday we are grateful to have the opportunity. This is certainly the hardest thing any of us have every had to endure and it goes on and on. Someday we will reach our goal of Full Recovery.
After we left Orlando we drove north to St. Augestine, FL. What a cool town and then home again for beach time.
Allie is teaching me to be a better person but sometimes we fight and argue and say things that we shouldn't but we all get frustrated and it has to be very hard for a 19 year old to be around her mommy and daddy so much and to have her life controlled as much as it is.
Still very happy with the Neurofeedback and the progress we are seeing with it.
Love to All
Steve
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tuesday Morning, April 7th
Hi Everyone
The neruofeedback seems to be working very well with Allie and the best part is that she does not struggle with it or give me a hard time when I want to train with her; infact, it is just the opposite these days and I believe that is one of the benefits we are seeing in this short time. In fact; she is not struggling with anything at this time. Don't get me wrong, there are still things to work on and will be for a while but her attitude is excellent and she is maturing as a person.
Other thing we have noticed is that her movements are more fluid and are becoming quicker, less thinking about what to do and more just doing it. Like not having to think to pick up a cup - use to be "pick up cup - extend arm, open fingers, close fingers, lift" - now pick up cup in one fluid motion. She is sleeping better, dressing better and doing her homework better. WOW! All in only 10 training sessions. Very worth looking into for all sorts of issues www.eeginfo.com
Right now she is in the den with a new voice coach. I can not believe how well she is singing. This time the tears are internal and the smile and hope are what I am wearing on the outside. I think she is singing in Italian and english. She is still having pitch problems but they are soing away. Hell, even if they never went away, just to hear the voice.............. but since there is never a doubt, she will sing as well if not better than she ever has.
Allie is doing well at her job and seems to enjoy it. She is working 6-9 hours a week in an assisted living facility. She is helping with the activities, calling bingo, helping people do puzzles, serving food and basically just being a friend.
There is just so much to say but it gets really into deep philosophy and universal principles that I will leave it for a discussion group.
As Allie would say, Peace Out!
Love you all.
Allie's Dad
The neruofeedback seems to be working very well with Allie and the best part is that she does not struggle with it or give me a hard time when I want to train with her; infact, it is just the opposite these days and I believe that is one of the benefits we are seeing in this short time. In fact; she is not struggling with anything at this time. Don't get me wrong, there are still things to work on and will be for a while but her attitude is excellent and she is maturing as a person.
Other thing we have noticed is that her movements are more fluid and are becoming quicker, less thinking about what to do and more just doing it. Like not having to think to pick up a cup - use to be "pick up cup - extend arm, open fingers, close fingers, lift" - now pick up cup in one fluid motion. She is sleeping better, dressing better and doing her homework better. WOW! All in only 10 training sessions. Very worth looking into for all sorts of issues www.eeginfo.com
Right now she is in the den with a new voice coach. I can not believe how well she is singing. This time the tears are internal and the smile and hope are what I am wearing on the outside. I think she is singing in Italian and english. She is still having pitch problems but they are soing away. Hell, even if they never went away, just to hear the voice.............. but since there is never a doubt, she will sing as well if not better than she ever has.
Allie is doing well at her job and seems to enjoy it. She is working 6-9 hours a week in an assisted living facility. She is helping with the activities, calling bingo, helping people do puzzles, serving food and basically just being a friend.
There is just so much to say but it gets really into deep philosophy and universal principles that I will leave it for a discussion group.
As Allie would say, Peace Out!
Love you all.
Allie's Dad
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Thursday Afternoon, March 26, 2009
Hi Everyone:
It's time for an Allie update. Well, we have gotten past the latest accident and have moved on to greener pastures. Allie is amazing and getting better everyday. Brain injuries are wierd but she is still growing everyday. Before where she was resisting growth and change she is now embracing it. I guess it time but I have been there before. In my mind I see her coming into the house one day and just telling us it is time to go and feeling comfortable because she has grown and recovered to her fullest potential. Proud and sad at the same time because for all of the crap and disappointment and frustration and not knowing that comes with a TBI, there is still that bond that you create, I will probably fall apart more on that day then even before but I see it in my head just as I see dancing at her wedding and attending her college graduation.
So how is this for no coincidences. After Allie's last accident, I was at my office on a Tuesday, (I am never in on Tuesdays). I was pretty much out of my mind and looking for help. I needed to find more therapy for Allie but when you are a high functioning TBI, you are forgotten, there is no help for you. The hospital case workers never follow up and if you are not educated and motivated - you are lost - God help all of those; we call then the walking wounded. On the outside they look OK but on the inside, things are not so good.
Well as life would have it the phone rand and it was an MD friend of mine (yes I have one) who called to discuss a mutual patient. He is also very familiar with Allie and her case. I told him that I needed to do something, wether it was send Allie to a school or hospital or something ( you don't know what or where because the doctors or neurologists don't tell you anything. This is not complaining but the truth for so many). He suggested I look into the Pisgah Institute and since I had never heard of it I looked it up on the internet and saw they were doing something called neurofeedback and were getting great results. Well I called them and spoke to some of the doctors and then started researching neurofeedbcak on line and saw there was a training seminar starting the next day in Atlanta with some of the pioneersin the field (Sigfried and Sue Othmer). Then I spoke with a psycologist in Asheville who had worked successfully with brain injuries and autism, so I was off to Atlanta. The training was great and I noticed immediate results on myself so we purchased the equipment and are now training at home. Allie has had five sessions to date and seems to have lost that far away look in her eyes and just seems more grown up and appropriate. I can't wait to see how it goes after 20 visits and 100 visits. I'll keep you filled in.
Also, Allie stated working at an assisted living facility this week. She is helping serve meals and is working with the activities counselor. I just love it that she is there. The people know her story and have embraced her. She is finishing up her second semester at college (she took two classes this time around) and we are thrilled. It's hard but getting better every day.
We want to give hope to everyone out there. If not today, tomorrow or the next day or the next day. We know what many of you are going through butonly to the extent that we have experienced it. This Saturday we will be doing a walk with the local brain injury association and Allie wants to walk for the Relay for Life. I have been taking her to lunch at an organic restaurant most days and she is starting to like it - hopefully it will be a new way of eating for all of us.
I just want everyone to know that you prayers are what have carried us. We think of you all each and every day. We ask that you continue to pray for Allie and for our good friends Paige Cook and Rachael Juliano.
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
With Love,
Allie's Dad
It's time for an Allie update. Well, we have gotten past the latest accident and have moved on to greener pastures. Allie is amazing and getting better everyday. Brain injuries are wierd but she is still growing everyday. Before where she was resisting growth and change she is now embracing it. I guess it time but I have been there before. In my mind I see her coming into the house one day and just telling us it is time to go and feeling comfortable because she has grown and recovered to her fullest potential. Proud and sad at the same time because for all of the crap and disappointment and frustration and not knowing that comes with a TBI, there is still that bond that you create, I will probably fall apart more on that day then even before but I see it in my head just as I see dancing at her wedding and attending her college graduation.
So how is this for no coincidences. After Allie's last accident, I was at my office on a Tuesday, (I am never in on Tuesdays). I was pretty much out of my mind and looking for help. I needed to find more therapy for Allie but when you are a high functioning TBI, you are forgotten, there is no help for you. The hospital case workers never follow up and if you are not educated and motivated - you are lost - God help all of those; we call then the walking wounded. On the outside they look OK but on the inside, things are not so good.
Well as life would have it the phone rand and it was an MD friend of mine (yes I have one) who called to discuss a mutual patient. He is also very familiar with Allie and her case. I told him that I needed to do something, wether it was send Allie to a school or hospital or something ( you don't know what or where because the doctors or neurologists don't tell you anything. This is not complaining but the truth for so many). He suggested I look into the Pisgah Institute and since I had never heard of it I looked it up on the internet and saw they were doing something called neurofeedback and were getting great results. Well I called them and spoke to some of the doctors and then started researching neurofeedbcak on line and saw there was a training seminar starting the next day in Atlanta with some of the pioneersin the field (Sigfried and Sue Othmer). Then I spoke with a psycologist in Asheville who had worked successfully with brain injuries and autism, so I was off to Atlanta. The training was great and I noticed immediate results on myself so we purchased the equipment and are now training at home. Allie has had five sessions to date and seems to have lost that far away look in her eyes and just seems more grown up and appropriate. I can't wait to see how it goes after 20 visits and 100 visits. I'll keep you filled in.
Also, Allie stated working at an assisted living facility this week. She is helping serve meals and is working with the activities counselor. I just love it that she is there. The people know her story and have embraced her. She is finishing up her second semester at college (she took two classes this time around) and we are thrilled. It's hard but getting better every day.
We want to give hope to everyone out there. If not today, tomorrow or the next day or the next day. We know what many of you are going through butonly to the extent that we have experienced it. This Saturday we will be doing a walk with the local brain injury association and Allie wants to walk for the Relay for Life. I have been taking her to lunch at an organic restaurant most days and she is starting to like it - hopefully it will be a new way of eating for all of us.
I just want everyone to know that you prayers are what have carried us. We think of you all each and every day. We ask that you continue to pray for Allie and for our good friends Paige Cook and Rachael Juliano.
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
With Love,
Allie's Dad
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Tuesday Morning, March 3, 2009
Just when you think you have have it made, a brain injury tells you different. Wow! I sure wish there was a TBI manual to help you see where you are on the road to full recovery.
Allie totalled out her car on Saturday - she is OK. She was driving on the same road as her first accident only about twelve mile in the other direction when she hydroplaned around a curve, spun out and hit a vehicle parked on the other side of the road. She was shook up - I was pissed. At first your emotions are how the hell could you be so careless, then you realize how this cahnges things again, then you are angry for a few days and then you look in her eyes and try to understand her emotionless responses and you see the injury still buried deep inside of her and you think about how bad you suck to have gotten angry.
Although she is up and functioning, the injury is so real and so fresh and you understand so little and then you wonder, what else can I do or what should I have been doing all along? Allie is among the walking wounded. She is a high functioning brain injury and that places her as one of the lost children. To high functioning for a rehab facility or school but not functioning well enough to have her own place or a job or the ability to take care of herself.
The worst part is the continual breaking of our hearts. We need help for her but it is not available - yet. We will find it and she will continue to grow and we will continue to love her and get stronger.
An exasperated - damn.
Allie's Dad - Full Recovery - Never a Doubt; This too shall pass; God's delay is not God's denial
Allie totalled out her car on Saturday - she is OK. She was driving on the same road as her first accident only about twelve mile in the other direction when she hydroplaned around a curve, spun out and hit a vehicle parked on the other side of the road. She was shook up - I was pissed. At first your emotions are how the hell could you be so careless, then you realize how this cahnges things again, then you are angry for a few days and then you look in her eyes and try to understand her emotionless responses and you see the injury still buried deep inside of her and you think about how bad you suck to have gotten angry.
Although she is up and functioning, the injury is so real and so fresh and you understand so little and then you wonder, what else can I do or what should I have been doing all along? Allie is among the walking wounded. She is a high functioning brain injury and that places her as one of the lost children. To high functioning for a rehab facility or school but not functioning well enough to have her own place or a job or the ability to take care of herself.
The worst part is the continual breaking of our hearts. We need help for her but it is not available - yet. We will find it and she will continue to grow and we will continue to love her and get stronger.
An exasperated - damn.
Allie's Dad - Full Recovery - Never a Doubt; This too shall pass; God's delay is not God's denial
Friday, November 14, 2008
November 14th, 2008
Well today really will be my last blog. It is a year and a half today and the lord had been good to us. It has been a road. Good? Bad? depends on who you are and if you have every experienced anything like this. Your experiences and the way you interpret them will determine how you view them. My experience has been that this was a blessing - maybe in disguise but a blessing none the less.
Really I am to tired at this time to go any further. It's been a long road and I could go further, however to do so would be to prolong viewing this situation as anything other than normal and Nancy, Matt, Allie and I all agree that from this moment on the world is normal. We have always avoided "labeling" where we were during this time. Cosmically the Universe always gives you what you seek and will always create the place the talk about so by thinking and acting like we would achieve full recovery was not only a coping mechanisim but is also something I believe in - Universal Laws - God's Order, however it makes sense to you.
When faced with a devestating situation you have to develop survival skills; not onlt for your loved ones but for your family, friends, business and others you meet and grieve with along the way. Most people are kind and loving - they understand the situation and react appropriately some are still kind and loving but do not know how to act so they do the best they can and avoid and some are just plain buttholes. Along the way no one created more misery for me and my family than my sister Lauren. People reap what they sew. You know I am really sorry to put this in. I have alway tried to be two things: positive and honest so I had to let people know that even during your darkest hour; when you didn't know it could get any worse, evil shows up. We defeated it - enough said. With God's help, we will always turn back evil.
Right now I am by myself at the beach taking a few days away. This is the first time perhaps in twenty something years I have been alone but it was a necessary trip and I was encouraged to go and get some rest and take some time to reflect. The past 18 months have caught up with me and I realize it is now time to let go and stop being the big strong guy, that would be unfair as there have been so many strong people along the way, my beautiful wife and sole mate has been and continues to be my rock and inspiration, Matt you have always been there providing wisdom far beyond your years. I can not say I wish this did not happen because this is our families experience and it could have been no other way. I am only glad that we are so strong and so solid. Of course Allie has been the strongest of all of us as she continues to push herself in a positive direction, accepting what God has geven her and embracing the opportunity to continue her experience on this earth. It's quite amazing, but she is at peace and happier than she was before the accident. She does not moan or complain about the accident but accepts it as her experience and is moving on
Our little girl and she is all of ours continues to take leaps and bounds in her recovery. Some days hard, some not so hard and I think that the hardest thing for me is to stop being so protective - my biggest fears are that someone will hurt her or will damage the good we have all done however, I must back off now - to do otherwise would be to deny her her destiny. an not continue to thik I know what is best for her. How can live the life of an 18 year old girld through the eyes of a 50 year old man. Heck, at 18 I did not know what I wanted to do with my life and at 50 I still not sure I know but one thing is for sure and that is that I can only live a life of service.
Little Allie is going to school and taking two classes this semester and is registered for three new semester. She may still want to pursue her dream of Broadway but is also following a degree in Elementary Education. She loves kids and they love her. She will be able to make a life for herself and will someday have a loving husband and family of her own.
So what have I learned from this experience?
People have thier own experiences in life and whatever they may be, they are thier own - we can only be there to love and support them.
We must love unconditionally
When you don't think you can handle anymore - you can
When you don't think you are strong enough - you are
When you think God has abandoned you - he hasn't
There are plenty of good doctors and nurses - there are plenty of bad doctors and nurses
You are your loved ones best chances of surviving the hospital - don't ever leave them alone
Prayers work
Stay positive - even if you are sometimes maybe not so positive
Donate to the Ronald McDonald House
Help others - even in your time of need - that is the best time to give
Accept the love, prayers and charity of others with dignity and love
Ask for what you need - there is no pride or dignity in the hospitay, only the raw emotions and goodness of others
Make your wishes know to the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital and stick to your guns. You are in charge - not them.
Use the internet at the hospital to research what they tell you. Don't believe it when they say it is procedure. Also look up the drugs they are giving - what they are for and what the side - effects may be.
Never check your spelling when you blog - I don't.
So where do we go from here? Where ever our experience takes us! We are just going to ride the wave we call life.
God Bless All of You
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
Allie's Dad
Just to Clarify - At the moment Full Recovery is a Universal Reality. Soon it will be a physical reality. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually I have not been able to give it the energy it needs. My hands were full and it has been a draining journey. During my time at the beach I have reconnected with God and recomitted to service to God, my family and my community.
Hopefully Full Recovery has helped. I can only say from all of the e-mails I get that is has and it will continue on a larger scale now that we are focusing on healing ourselves so we can help heal others. So stay tuned.
Again, from the bottom of my heart - thank you.
Really I am to tired at this time to go any further. It's been a long road and I could go further, however to do so would be to prolong viewing this situation as anything other than normal and Nancy, Matt, Allie and I all agree that from this moment on the world is normal. We have always avoided "labeling" where we were during this time. Cosmically the Universe always gives you what you seek and will always create the place the talk about so by thinking and acting like we would achieve full recovery was not only a coping mechanisim but is also something I believe in - Universal Laws - God's Order, however it makes sense to you.
When faced with a devestating situation you have to develop survival skills; not onlt for your loved ones but for your family, friends, business and others you meet and grieve with along the way. Most people are kind and loving - they understand the situation and react appropriately some are still kind and loving but do not know how to act so they do the best they can and avoid and some are just plain buttholes. Along the way no one created more misery for me and my family than my sister Lauren. People reap what they sew. You know I am really sorry to put this in. I have alway tried to be two things: positive and honest so I had to let people know that even during your darkest hour; when you didn't know it could get any worse, evil shows up. We defeated it - enough said. With God's help, we will always turn back evil.
Right now I am by myself at the beach taking a few days away. This is the first time perhaps in twenty something years I have been alone but it was a necessary trip and I was encouraged to go and get some rest and take some time to reflect. The past 18 months have caught up with me and I realize it is now time to let go and stop being the big strong guy, that would be unfair as there have been so many strong people along the way, my beautiful wife and sole mate has been and continues to be my rock and inspiration, Matt you have always been there providing wisdom far beyond your years. I can not say I wish this did not happen because this is our families experience and it could have been no other way. I am only glad that we are so strong and so solid. Of course Allie has been the strongest of all of us as she continues to push herself in a positive direction, accepting what God has geven her and embracing the opportunity to continue her experience on this earth. It's quite amazing, but she is at peace and happier than she was before the accident. She does not moan or complain about the accident but accepts it as her experience and is moving on
Our little girl and she is all of ours continues to take leaps and bounds in her recovery. Some days hard, some not so hard and I think that the hardest thing for me is to stop being so protective - my biggest fears are that someone will hurt her or will damage the good we have all done however, I must back off now - to do otherwise would be to deny her her destiny. an not continue to thik I know what is best for her. How can live the life of an 18 year old girld through the eyes of a 50 year old man. Heck, at 18 I did not know what I wanted to do with my life and at 50 I still not sure I know but one thing is for sure and that is that I can only live a life of service.
Little Allie is going to school and taking two classes this semester and is registered for three new semester. She may still want to pursue her dream of Broadway but is also following a degree in Elementary Education. She loves kids and they love her. She will be able to make a life for herself and will someday have a loving husband and family of her own.
So what have I learned from this experience?
People have thier own experiences in life and whatever they may be, they are thier own - we can only be there to love and support them.
We must love unconditionally
When you don't think you can handle anymore - you can
When you don't think you are strong enough - you are
When you think God has abandoned you - he hasn't
There are plenty of good doctors and nurses - there are plenty of bad doctors and nurses
You are your loved ones best chances of surviving the hospital - don't ever leave them alone
Prayers work
Stay positive - even if you are sometimes maybe not so positive
Donate to the Ronald McDonald House
Help others - even in your time of need - that is the best time to give
Accept the love, prayers and charity of others with dignity and love
Ask for what you need - there is no pride or dignity in the hospitay, only the raw emotions and goodness of others
Make your wishes know to the doctors, nurses and staff at the hospital and stick to your guns. You are in charge - not them.
Use the internet at the hospital to research what they tell you. Don't believe it when they say it is procedure. Also look up the drugs they are giving - what they are for and what the side - effects may be.
Never check your spelling when you blog - I don't.
So where do we go from here? Where ever our experience takes us! We are just going to ride the wave we call life.
God Bless All of You
Full Recovery - Never a Doubt
Allie's Dad
Just to Clarify - At the moment Full Recovery is a Universal Reality. Soon it will be a physical reality. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually I have not been able to give it the energy it needs. My hands were full and it has been a draining journey. During my time at the beach I have reconnected with God and recomitted to service to God, my family and my community.
Hopefully Full Recovery has helped. I can only say from all of the e-mails I get that is has and it will continue on a larger scale now that we are focusing on healing ourselves so we can help heal others. So stay tuned.
Again, from the bottom of my heart - thank you.
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